


fake love (sequel to it’s a deal)

by laiguanlins



Series: love me [2]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Deephwi, Fluff and Humor, Jinseob, M/M, Multi, Ongniel, PanWink - Freeform, jinhwi, linhoon, lol there will always be angst, sequel to its a deal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-05 02:37:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12181266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laiguanlins/pseuds/laiguanlins
Summary: “Does she kiss you better than I do?”“Guanlin, I’m gay”





	1. romantic guanlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS SO PPL WANTED A PT2 TO ITS A DEAL SO HERE IT IS!!!!! OMGMGMG THIS IS AN INTRO CHAPTER BUT THERES GONNA BE SO MUCH SHIT AND PLOT TWISTS IN THIS PLUS THERELL BE MORE JINHWI AND ONGNIEL CONTENT OOO HOPE U GUYS ENJOY MY TWT IS @guanlinsjihoon if u wanna talk ! PLEASE KUDOS BOOKMARK AND LEAVE FEEDBACK IT HELPS ME UPDATE MORE :)))) BYE !!

“Lai Guanlin I am so disappointed in you-“ Guanlin’s mother shook her head in disapproval, rubbing at her temple, “lying to your mother like that, you probably dragged sweet Jihoon-ah into this”

 

”He did!” Jihoon quickly interjected, earning a smack on his head from Guanlin, “asshole you weren’t so supposed to tell her that,” the younger hissed under his breath, both their faces ducked down in front of his mother. “He didn’t have to tell me anything, I knew something was off ever since Jihoon told me the story of how you two met, it was absolute bull, you thought I would believe that this boy fell for your smile? You complain about your job everyday Guanlin-ah, I’m pretty sure you look ugly at work” His mother spoke, shaking her head, hearing Jihoon snort beside him

 

The little shit was probably enjoying having Guanlin’s mother on his side very much right now, Guanlin wanted to punch him, but he loves Jihoon to hurt his cute, yet annoying face 

 

“Poor Jihoon, what a nice boy he is, making him lie..” the older lady cooed, bringing Jihoon for in a hug while Guanlin stared at the scene being unfolded before his eyes in disbelief. Now he _really_ wanted to smack Jihoon, who was currently mocking Guanlin with a stupid smirk and sticking his tongue out towards him, whilst hugging his mother, _“motherfucker...see if I kiss that pretty mouth of yours for a whole ten minutes...”_ the Taiwanese boy mumbled under his breath, fists clenched on his sides

 

 

Guanlin thought his mother would be happy and more thoughtful to see him being honest, and telling her that they were dating for _real_ now, but instead the woman kept slandering him, babying Jihoon. It was unfair, and he currently hated his boyfriend the most, who kept mocking him to rile him up

 

 

”I can’t believe you lied Guanlin-ah” the woman sighed, scoffing as she pet Jihoon’s head, “well believe it ma” Guanlin bluntly spoke, sending daggers towards the smaller boy who was currently occupied by his mother’s arms, “move midget, stop trying to steal my mom away from me” Guanlin glared, attempting to grab ahold of Jihoon like a kid, only for Jihoon to hold onto his mother tighter, with his mother protecting Jihoon from him

 

_Unbelievable_

 

“Piece of shit” Guanlin directed towards Jihoon, who kept grinning, “Guanlin, stop talking about yourself like that-“ his mother butt in, making Guanlin’s eyes widen. So now she was going to insult him too? 

 

“See..he always treats me like this,” Jihoon pouted, speaking in a sad voice with his head down, making Guanlin's mother frown, “he’s a bad kid isn’t he?” his mother continued, Jihoon agreeing by nodding his head. Guanlin’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor, seeing the two talk out of their ass about him, _literally_ right in front of him as well

 

”This is ridiculous, you’re sleeping on the couch,” Guanlin groaned, expecting for Jihoon to get upset, but the little shit looked up at his mother with a sad expression, “our living room gets really cold, he wants me to freeze to death”

 

”Die”

 

”See, he even says it in front of us, he’s got no shame..”

 

”Aplogize to your boyfriend, Lai Guanlin, _now_ ” His mother demanded with a stern look, actually waiting for the boy to apologize. Jihoon on the other hand was enjoying this, making faces at the younger 

 

“I’m sorry-“ Guanlin began, seeing Jihoon with hopeful eyes, before continuing with a smirk “ _that_ you’re a short piece of shit”

 

”I hate you”

 

+

 

“Daehwi stop”

 

”Stop what?”

 

”Stop being so cute..” Jinyoung smiled, throwing his body onto the younger boy’s, wrapping him up in a tight embrace, smiling when he heard Daehwi giggle. “You’re so corny, stop” The younger spoke, voice muffled from being buried in Jinyoung’s chest 

 

“I’m serious, why’re you so cute, I just wanna bite you,” the elder cooed, peppering the younger’s face with kisses, whereas Daehwi squirmed, raising his brows with a puzzled look, “I love you but I can’t date a cannibal sorry” Daehwi attempted to speak with a straight face, before falling into fits of giggles 

 

Just as Jinyoung was about to lean in for a kiss, he heard the door slam shut with bickering voices from an argument

 

“You’re seriously not going to make me sleep on the couch, right?” The two boys on the couch recognized the voice to belong to Park Jihoon, who sounded baffled, “I am and I _will_ fuckface” Guanlin responded, finally in view with Jihoon glaring behind him 

 

“Uh...hey?” Jinyoung awkwardly greeted, not knowing what to do in the situation, if his two friends were seriously into a fight or not, “Jinyoung can you tell your idiot friend here to stop being childish and not let me sleep on the couch” Jihoon sighed, dramatically throwing his hands in the air

 

So the situation was rather amusing, exchanging a look with Daehwi before he remembered something. “Don’t worry, he would never let you sleep on the couch, when you and Daehwi first came here, literally at 3am this kid went to pick you up, getting you to sleep on his bed” Jinyoung smirked, seeing Guanlin’s eyes widen from being exposed. Guanlin could’ve sworn everyone was asleep that night 

 

Jihoon must’ve been shocked too, gasping before giggling, “you asshole! You told me I sleepwalked to your room, oh my god you softie! You brought me to your room yourself..” Jihoon began rambling on with a large smile, whilst Guanlin groaned, hitting his head against the wall, “Bae Jinyoung I will push you off our balcony and make sure that small head of yours falls off” 

 

 

“You moved out dumbass, that balcony is mine and my Daehwi’s” Jinyoung smiled warmly, pecking the blonde boy’s cheek, hearing Guanlin gag, “fucking disgusting, I will call animal control if you two keep exchanging saliva, thank you very much” 

 

“Guanlin get out of my apartment”

 

”Gladly, let’s go baby” Guanlin glared, grabbing Jihoon’s arm, dragging him out

 

”Guanlin, why’d we even come here anyways?” Jihoon asked in confusion, brows furrowed, slipping his hands with the taller boy’s 

 

Before answering, Jihoon saw his boyfriend’s face heat up, expecting for a normal, or serious type of answer but no

 

”I needed to take a shit”

 

”I hate you so much, oh my god”

 

+

 

Everytime Jihoon and Guanlin drove past the dog cafe, Jihoon’s heart began to flutter, it was the first time Jihoon remembered of Guanlin calling him cute

 

It was the first time Jihoon blushed because a boy complimented him, and that was probably when Jihoon started feeling something for the younger boy, turning to see the taller boy drive

 

He was so beautiful it still baffled Jihoon, it seemed surreal that face was the face Jihoon was lucky enough to wake up next to everyday, to see him smile everyday, it no longer pained Jihoon to love Guanlin, it made him feel like he was living a dream every single day 

 

They were still in the secrecy mode, but they both learned to not be bothered, sure, sometimes it irked them when one was unable to hold the other’s hand in public. Or in moments where Jihoon wanted to pull Guanlin in for a kiss just because he wanted to, but they were past that. Because behind closed doors, it will always be just Guanlin and Jihoon

 

”Stop staring at me or I’ll hit the brakes so they break your face,” Guanlin muttered, making Jihoon scowl, to think he was just adoring the boy in his mind right now, “you’re so mean, wonder if you even love me” The elder scoffed, turning his head away to frown. His words were just out of a joke, but Guanlin’s expression changed, thinking Jihoon was being serious 

 

“Park Jihoon, how could you ever think I don’t love you? Wait stop-“ Guanlin pulled the car over, unfastening his seat belt to hold Jihoon’s hand in his, “you fuck- let me rephrase, fuck I love you so much, you know that right? Yeah, sure, I’m young, people might say we don’t know what love is, but people also said me being gay was a phase, so fuck those people. I know what love is, and I know how meaningful and amazing it is, because your presence makes it all make sense-“ the younger stopped to collect his thoughts, blushing at how sappy he’d suddenly sounded

 

”I just- I really never want you to think I don’t love you, because you’re my _main_ priority. There’s nothing in the world I would trade you for, maybe for Park Jimin-“ Jihoon cut the younger off, smacking the back of his head, “but you give me reasons to smile, to look forward to every longing day, and I appreciate you so much. I appreciate you for putting up with my moody ass, my crap, I really love you Park Jihoon, you’re everything I could ever want” Guanlin whispered, eyes boring into the elder’s as he spoke his honest and genuine feelings

 

Jihoon couldn’t think he could ever smile brighter than Guanlin, but here he was right now, smiling like there was no tomorrow. His smile was so bright, it probably could’ve been visible under the night sky, and dark car, “you make me so happy Linnie,” Jihoon whispered, hugging the taller boy, who always engulfed him in a way that made him feel protected 

 

“I know you love me, who wouldn’t? I’m just so sexy”

 

”Can we break up actually?”

 

+

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Guanlin asked, rubbing his eyes from tiredness, seeing Jihoon with pillows on the couch, “I’m sleeping on the couch like you told me to-“ The smaller boy responded in a ‘matter of fact’ tone, causing Guanlin to roll his eyes, “aish...you’re so stupid” 

 

“Did you really think I would let you sleep here alone on the couch, in the cold by yourself without me?” Guanlin murmured, hugging Jihoon to his chest, feeling the boy nod his head, “dumbass, I can’t sleep without you” 

 

It made Jihoon grin, pulling away to meet Guanlin’s tired eyes, “you can’t sleep without me because you love me _right?_ ” Jihoon gushed, eyes twinkling with a glint of happiness, causing Guanlin to snort, “no, I need you by my side because you’re a great pillow,” the younger teased, holding back a laugh when he saw Jihoon’s smile disappear, replaced with a scowl, “fuck you”

 

”When we’re legal okay?” Guanlin laughed, seeing Jihoon blush, covering his round face with his small hands, “so cute...” Guanlin cooed, pinching Jihoon’s cheeks, “don’t touch me asshole” Jihoon’s voice was muffled from covering his face

 

”Okay...I heard there’s some nice gay clubs in Hongdae, maybe I should go” Guanlin yawned with a teasing tone, making Jihoon’s head jerk up, eyes nearly about to burst out his socket. “Don’t joke like that Guanlin, you know how insecure it gets me”

 

”And why would you be insecure, no boy’s got anything on you,” Guanlin knelt down whispering lovingly as he pet Jihoon’s hair affectionately, lacing their fingers together. Jihoon still wasn’t used to the compliments Guanlin showered him with, they always managed to make his heart race like some high school lovesick girl

 

”Do you really mean that?” Jihoon spoke softly, because he was insecure at times. Sometimes he felt like he truly wasn’t good enough for Guanlin, too dull, or not as humorous, too snappy

 

”I mean it with every fiber in my body Park Jihoon, I really love your midget annoying ass, my sweet lovely boyfriend who means everything to me!” Guanlin grinned, raising his head to press his lips onto Jihoon’s. The elder responded eagerly, cupping Guanlin’s face, who was on the ground, practically knawing at Jihoon’s touch, resting his large hand on Jihoon’s small one

 

”I really really love you” Jihoon grinned into the kiss, “I really really love me too” Guanlin sighed, feeling Jihoon smack his head, whining 

 

“You always ruin the moment jerk” The smaller boy groaned, pulling away, “fine let’s just make another moment then” Guanlin murmured mindlessly, eyes trained on Jihoon’s swollen lips, capturing them for another kiss

 

Instead of protesting against Guanlin, Jihoon felt himself connecting his lips with the younger’s, not realizing that he’d been lifted up by the younger boy, their kiss never breaking. Guanlin spun the smaller boy around, happily smiling into the kiss because he loved Park Jihoon so fucking much

 

”We should kiss like that more” Jihoon breathed out, chest rising as he rested his forehead on Guanlin’s

 

”Yeah, and maybe next time I could drop you so you break your skull”

 

_”You’re so romantic Lai Guanlin”_


	2. i promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall appreicte the extra fluff bc im gonna make ur lives a living hell SHSJSJSJ anyways my twt is @guanlinsjihoon so yell at me there AND ENJOY PLS KUDOS BOOKBARK N LEAVE FEEDBACK IT RLY HELPS ME UPDATE :)!

_To: Linnie_

_guanlin i can’t live without you_

 

Jihoon texted to his boyfriend, bored out of his brains from working at a dead cafe. There weren’t any customers, most likely because their coffee was shit, and all Jihoon wanted to do was be home in Guanlin’s arms

 

_From: Linnie_

_Then die_

_Lol_

 

”Fucking bastard...” The brunette muttered under his breath, scoffing as he put his phone away. To think Guanlin would respond cutely to his thoughtful but message, but no, Guanlin always had something to pull out his ass

 

 

”Girlfriend problems?” Jihoon’s co-worker Justin asked, making him jump from the sudden approach. The kid was weird to Jihoon, he was cute _sure_ , but to Jihoon no one was prettier than Guanlin, but that was besides the point.

 

Justin didn’t exactly make the best first impression on Jihoon, especially after Jihoon witnessed the boy making failed attempts of winks at customers, ending up looking like he had some type of eye infection or spasm

 

What made the situation more humorous was how the kid assumed Jihoon had _girlfriend_ issues

 

_The irony_

 

Jihoon wanted to snort, tell the kid that it was more like bastar-, correction, boyfriend problems, but he kept his mouth shut. And he slightly felt guilty for it, because he wanted to show off Guanlin, show everyone just how happy he is to have the younger boy as his boyfriend, but he always reminded himself that this wasn’t just any place, this was Korea where people looked down on people like them

 

”Y-yeah, girlfriend..” the shorter male laughed nervously, wishing a customer would just arrive and get him out of talking, “oh really? Is she pretty?”

 

_Yeah, he’s the prettiest_

 

“Yeah,” with a short response, “I’m gonna go sweep the floors-“ 

 

“Wait!-“ Before the other male could reply, Jihoon was already on his heel wanting to get away from the uncomfortable situation, feeling guilty for technically lying about Guanlin and hiding him

 

Just the thought of kissing Guanlin in public was a dream to Jihoon, something he didn’t even dare to think of because the thought hurt him, knowing it won’t come true any time soon. Jihoon could preach about how much he didn’t care about what outsiders thought about them, but he cared the most 

 

It’s his worst quality, to let other’s opinions overrule his own, something Guanlin hated too, always trying to help Jihoon overcome it

 

_From: Linnie_

_make sure to eat sweetheart_

_i love you get home safe i miss you_

_and don’t let any boy look at you for more than .00000001 second or i’ll fucking kill them_

 

 

It always amazed Jihoon just how quickly Guanlin managed to make him feel at ease and smile so brightly, even without being by his side. It’s something only Guanlin could do, just by thinking of him Jihoon felt his nerves relaxing, Guanlin had that effect on him

 

_To: Linnie_

_you’re so cute when you’re jealous (≧▽≦)ゞ_

_dw!! i’ll fight anyone who looks at me_

 

_From: Linnie_

_no_

_don't fight anyone, i can’t let u get hurt_

_stop being so pretty then, start being ugly so ppl don’t look at u :o_

 

_To: Linnie_

_Bye_

 

”Park, you’re not getting paid to hold a mop and text your girlfriend, get sweeping” the boy heard his manager speak in a bored tone behind him, making him shuffle around the floor from the shock

 

 _Why_ must everyone assume he had a girlfriend? Jihoon internally groaned, putting his phone away, wanting to jab the mop into his fat useless rude manager’s eye

 

But then his heart began fluttering at the thought of Guanlin, how he always looked out for Jihoon, despite being the younger one. How he was overprotective of him, it made him feel so special, Jihoon was spoiled and he was the luckiest in the world

 

+

 

Guanlin missed his boyfriend and he’s been gone for two hours for work. He felt bored, useless and lost without the older boy by his side, dramatically throwing his body around his bed, screaming into his pillow 

 

Ever since Jihoon got a job at some cafe, Guanlin's been worried sick because his co-worker was quite attractive, and as much as Jihoon reassured him that the boy was annoying to him, Guanlin couldn’t buy it

 

Guanlin remembers driving the smaller boy to work, and sitting at the cafe the whole time just to watch every move of Jihoon’s, eyeing him like a hawk. He kept an eye especially on the Justin kid or whatever 

 

_“Guanlin he literally just asked me to restock the cups,” Jihoon put his hand on Guanlin’s chest, trying not to laugh at how overdramatic Guanlin was_

 

_”But he said it in a way like he wants you, I don’t fucking trust him-“ Guanlin scoffed, glaring at the pretty boy who kept trying to wink at some girls, whilst drinking the shit coffee that Jihoon’s workplace served with his boyfriend_

 

_“Baby..I don’t think saying ‘restock the cups’ indicates in any way that he wants me...” Jihoon held back a giggle, biting on his lip, wanting to kiss his boyfriend because he was just so beautiful, and he looked really attractive when he was mad_

 

Maybe Guanlin did overreact but he had every reason to. Park Jihoon was simply so fucking beautiful, and he could literally be lured by anyone, and it annoyed and scared him to one day possibly lose him

 

 

_From: Smallhead_

_Hey_

_Wanna come help me buy a present for Daehwi_

 

 

 

_To: Smallhead_

_No_

 

Gualin didn’t want to do anything, he just wanted to be with Jihoon, pouting to himself as he kicked his pillow

 

”Fuck that’s Jihoon’s pillow-“ Guanlin muttered, fixing the pillow, placing a kiss on it 

 

_From: Smallhead_

_Fuck you_

_Come onnnnn, please_

 

_To: Smallhead_

_Shut up_

_I’ll block your number rn_

 

_From: Smallhead_

_u can buy something for Jihoon too!_

 

Now that got Guanlin’s attention, sitting up straight, finally invested in his conversation with Jinyoung

 

Getting something thoughtful for Jihoon would make him happy, and a happy Jihoon is something Guanlin always wanted to see, agreeing to hang out with the older boy

 

_From: Smallhead_

 

_If mentioning Jihoon is all it takes to get you to do things, next time I’ll mention him so you stop acting like a cunt_

 

_**You have blocked this caller** _

 

+

 

“So why’re you asking someone as _prestigious_ as me to go out with you and buy presents? Who gave you the right?” Guanlin asked, sitting inside Jinyoung’s car who already rolled his eyes upon hearing the younger's obnoxious words 

 

“You’re so annoying, I’m really going to kick you out my car”

 

”You were dropped as a baby”

 

The two began arguing, back and forth insults until they’d finally arrived at the shopping enter. 

 

“Get out of the fucking car Guanlin” Jinyoung gritted through his teeth, rubbing his forehead as the younger kept himself seated inside. “Open the door for me”

 

”You’ve got to be fucking kidding-“ The elder stopped himself, harshly opening the door, slamming it, “hey, it’s your car not mine, go easy on her..” Guanlin winked, walking besides the smaller boy

 

”I regret asking you to come”

 

”I regret you breathing”

 

_From: Jihoonie_

_i miss you :(_

_the manager snapped at me ugh :/_

 

Forgetting that he was arguing with Jinyoung, completely ignoring the boy’s existence, Guanlin felt his brows furrow upon reading the message. His overprotective instincts nearly activating from hearing about someone being rude to his boyfriend 

 

_To: Jihoonie_

_baby ignore what i said before_

_go fight that bald piece of shit_

_no one talks rudely with my boy_

 

“Guanlin. Guanlin!” Jinyoung smacked Guanlin’s head, growing impatient from not receiving the help he needed from the younger who was too engrossed with his phone, most likely texting Jihoon, “what?” Guanlin glared, eyes training back to his messages with Jihoon

 

”I asked you if this would be nice for Daehwi..” Jinyoung hissed, holding up a silver chain, “uh sure why not” Guanlin muttered, bored and uninterested because Jihoon was a much more important focus

 

_From: Jihoonie_

_i have to go back to work :(_

_i miss you i’ll see you back in the apartment if you’re tired please sleep angel (≧▽≦)ゞ_

 

Guanlin felt his lips curving up into a wide smile, gums out as he kept re-reading Jihoon’s message. He was so in love, it made himself cringe never thinking the day would come where he’d swoon over someone like Park Jihoon, someone he hated from first sight 

 

As he walked around the store, eyes scanning the items, something caught his eyes. 

 

_Rings_

 

 

It was the perfect idea, promise rings for the two of them, something that reminded the both of them of their importance towards each other. Quickly dragging his body to the display, “hi, can I see those rings please?” Guanlin grinned, breath hovering over the glass as he stared at the rings intently, making him look like a child

 

The lady however looked displeased, probably assuming Guanlin couldn’t afford them, _but jokes on you bitch,_ Guanlin thought 

 

It was simple, and a reminder of their relationship, the perfect gift, gazing at the two rings on his hand

 

”How’s this as a gift for Jihoon?” Guanlin asked the elder, holding them up, hearing Jinyoung snort

 

”Promise rings? That's so fucking gay-“ 

 

“Maybe it’s because _I am_ fucking gay” Guanlin hissed, turning to the lady who played with her nails, a bored expression on her face

 

”I’ll get these please”

 

+

 

Jihoon was tired, and he was annoyed and he was exhausted and he missed his boyfriend so fucking much. Finally his shift was over, literally racing out the door as he hopped into his car, driving towards his home where he’ll finally see his boyfriend 

 

“Come on, come on” Jihoon hissed, annoyed as the traffic kept growing. It was late as it is, on top of that the traffic would hold him back, and Guanlin would most likely be asleep

 

A part of him was hoping that Guanlin was awake, because he’s all that Jihoon’s been looking forward to see all day, but the other part was hoping that Guanlin was asleep, because he didn’t want the younger staying up late

 

Right now he hated his manager the most for making him work an extra shift, charging his dead phone, seeing Guanlin send him multiple messages

 

It warmed his heart that the younger was concerned, but worried that he probably did worry Guanlin

 

_To: Linnie_

_im so sorry baby!!!_

_i had to work an extra shift and my stupid phone died_

_i’ll be home soon, please sleep if you’re tired_

_don't wait up for me angel_

 

Rushing to type the younger, sighing in relief when the traffic started moving 

 

Guanlin usually replied within two seconds, so Jihoon assumed the younger was actually asleep, cursing the world 

 

“I hope that bald piece of shit chokes”

 

+

 

”You’re home!” Guanlin yelled upon hearing the door click, nearly pouncing the smaller male. “I missed you so much..” the taller boy whispered, pressing his lips on top of his boyfriend’s head, engulfing him tightly

 

”I thought you were asleep..” Jihoon’s voice was muffled from being squished into Guanlin’s chest, but he wasn’t complaining, he’d been looking forward to being held by the younger all day, wrapping his whole body around the taller figure 

 

“I was, I fell asleep waiting for you on the kitchen table...and then I shot up when I heard you come in, did you eat anything?” The taller boy breathed out, caressing his boyfriend’s face lovingly, feeling Jihoon sigh in content, into the touch, “Y-yeah I did, I missed this so much”

 

It’s moments like these that made Guanlin realize just how special and important Park Jihoon was to him, and just how badly he loved the boy. The boy made him understand what love is, and what a strong impact it has on so many aspects of your life, you as a person. Before Jihoon, Guanlin found the world to be dull, black and white. A constant cycle of just wanting to get through everyday 

 

But now the world had color, it was like a musical, life wasn’t perfect, but the boy in his arms was. He was beyond perfect. 

 

Slowly inching his face close towards the elder’s lips, with Jihoon copying his moves, much more eager as he connected their lips, moving in sync, the soft warmth always making Guanlin weak at knees

 

”I love you so much..” the Taiwanese boy whispered into the kiss, grazing his fingers over the smaller boy’s cheek, deepening the kiss, hearing Jihoon whimper in response

 

Because Guanlin was addictive, everything about him drove Jihoon crazy, he felt electrified and alive around the boy, he never wanted to part away from him, tangling his fingers into the boy’s hair, chest to chest as he felt Guanlin bite down on his lip 

 

It wasn’t even a matter of wanting each other, they simply needed each other constantly, their similar yet distinctive personalities balanced one another out, making them the perfect fit

 

”I love you more,” Jihoon grinned into the kiss, ragged breaths as Guanlin explored his mouth, always making his heart pound from how good it felt, and how gentle Guanlin was with him

 

”I got you something,” Guanlin breathed out, finally pulling away to hold the smaller boy’s body against his, resting his forehead on Jihoon’s. “W-what? You didn’t have to get me anything-“

 

Jihoon wasn’t the type for materialistic things, and he didn’t want the younger to go through the trouble of buying him stuff, just him being there was enough 

 

Whining at the loss of contact when Guanlin pulled away to show him his present, Jihoon’s lips formed into a pout, following Guanlin behind

 

”Aish, you baby, can’t let go of me for even one second, huh?” The taller boy chuckled, lacing his hands with Jihoon’s, seeing him nod his head in agreement, “don’t wanna let you go” Jihoon sung, giggling as he hid his face into Guanlin’s side

 

”Okay..1...2...3..-“

 

”Guanlin, fuck you’re not asking me to marry you right? You’re like 12-“

 

Guanlin groaned loudly, face palming at the elder’s words, “dumbass, they’re fucking _promise_ rings”

 

Jihoon felt his heart twist, covering his mouth, unable to stop the smile that kept growing, eyes scanning the rings on his boyfriend’s hands

 

”G-Guanlin..” Jihoon breathed out in shock, looking up to see Guanlin looking at him with expectant eyes, and nothing but fondness 

 

”It’s to remind you that I always promise to be there for you no matter what, and that I love you so much. I-I know it’s corny but, I just, you mean a lot to me...And I want you to always know that, and whenever you look at this ring, you’ll remember just _how much_ you do mean to me, and never forget how much I value you, and our relationship-“

 

Jihoon couldn’t believe his ears, or the boy in front of him, because Lai Guanlin felt like a dream. He was too good to be real, and Jihoon didn’t feel like he was worthy of having someone as special as him

 

”So can you promise that you’ll always be by my side as well, continue loving me, and that we have a long, happy, healthy future together?”

 

_”I promise”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELEHDOSSHSKDBDJSJD IM SOSOSOSOS FUCKXIFNFNSOFOFTT I LOVE PANWINK


	3. gay porn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OFJDKSSKSO THIS CHAP IDKKK JUST READ LMAO ILL UPDATE A VERY LONGER ONE TMMR TYSM FOR READING MY TWT IS @guanlinsjihoon if u wanna yell at me AND PLEASE LEAVE KUDOS BOOKBARM AND FEEDBACK IT HELPS ME UPDATEEE TY FOR 900+ READS ALREADY in a day and a half WOW

“Guanlin you’re disgusting!”

 

”I’m sorry okay! You just look so fucking stupid oh my god, wear something else or you’re not my boyfriend”

 

Jihoon had just bought yet another cardigan, expecting his boyfriend to compliment him, but _no_

 

No no _no_ , Lai Guanlin was different. As soon as Jihoon walked into the kitchen, ready to get praised by the younger boy, Guanlin spat his drink all over his face _and_ his brand new cardigan

 

Not only that, but the younger kept laughing at Jihoon, insulting his cardigan, which was by the way _not_ ugly 

 

“You’re so cute, come here let me kiss you..” Guanlin grinned, cooing at a fuming Jihoon, who instead backed away from Guanlin’s hold, “baby, it’s not my fault you bought this ugly piece of garbage..”

 

” _Fuck you,_ you’re the piece of garbage”

 

It was amusing to Guanlin, seeing his boyfriend getting so riled up and defensive over those ugly cardigans, “you’d look better without that cardigan on, _or_ without anything at all..” the younger cheekily grinned, winking at the smaller boy, causing Jihoon’s face flush in embarrassment, _cute_

 

”You’re twelve years old Lai Guanlin, stop fantasizing about me being shirtless” Instead of firing back, Guanlin snorted, “you think I want to see you shirtless because of abs? Sweetheart, you’re never gonna have abs, plus I prefer your cute tummy”

 

 

Just how badly Jihoon wanted to stay mad at the younger boy, extremely offended at the insults thrown at his great fashion taste, but Guanlin always managed to say the sweetest of things to keep him at ease

 

Especially when Guanlin loved his body, something he couldn’t learn to do, the younger always praised it, not wanting Jihoon to have abs or such, something everyone around him wanted him to have. But Guanlin never did, Guanlin just cared about Jihoon staying healthy 

 

“I can’t believe you like this chubby little thing..” Jihoon murmured, frowning as he squeezed his stomach, feeling Guanlin move his hands away, resting his own on top of it, “it’s cute like you, besides I love every part of you,” the taller boy whispered, pressing his soft lips onto Jihoon’s for a sweet and slow kiss

 

Jihoon loved every part of Guanlin too

 

+

 

Guanlin was at work today, leaving Jihoon no choice but to spend time with the one and only Ong Seongwoo 

 

“Are you fucking kidding me? You didn’t tell me you were bringing Daniel along, now I’m gonna have to third wheel” Jihoon hissed as the elder pulled up in front of his boyfriend’s apartment. “Shut up, un-third-wheel yourself then”

 

”That doesn’t even make sense!”

 

Clearly the older boy didn’t care, leaving Jihoon alone in the car to fetch Daniel. Whilst Jihoon waited, he sunk into his seat thinking about how nearly all his friends knew about their sexuality 

 

Even Ong Seongwoo of all people, who swore he was straight and knew nothing more than tits just 5 months ago, is gay now. How’d he come to conclude it? It’s something Jihoon wanted to know, Daehwi was bisexual, Jinyoung was gay, his own boyfriend knew his sexuality, yet Jihoon felt the most confused 

 

He knows Guanlin’s told him before that he didn’t need labels, but Jihoon felt so out of place, like he didn’t even have a place to belong 

 

“Hi Jihoon!” Daniel gave a toothy grin, greeting the younger boy, “you were thinking too hard there, are you alright?” the blonde asked, concern written all over his face

 

”I’m fine!”

 

”He probably misses his little boy toy” Seongwoo snorted, backing the car out of the driveway, seeing Jihoon glare at him through the mirror, “you fucking waste of space piece of shit-“ Jihoon began reciting, along with Daniel’s loud laughter

 

”Where are we going?” Daniel asked, eyes lost as he peered out the window, resembling a puppy, “to my girlfriend’s house” Segonwoo rolled his eyes

 

”B-But I’m your boyfriend?” Daniel titled his head in confusion, and Jihoon wanted to call the boy out for being so dumb, holding back a laugh

 

_From: Linnie_

_I had to clean the toilets today_

_There was shit stuck to the seat_

_You looked so good_

 

Jihoon wanted to smash his phone, and to smash his head against a brick wall. Not only did Guanlin message him something completely stupid, expecting a sweet message from his boyfriend after a long day, Daniel and Seongwoo pulled over to fucking make out

 

”I want to die I want to die” Jihoon cried, “I want Guanlin” 

 

 

“Keep it down back there, I’m trying to get some tongue”

 

_Fucking disgusting_

 

+

 

Jihoon didn’t know how he found himself in the current situation he was in right now, but he thinks he could blame Ong Seongwoo for it

 

_”Hyung..how’d you like uhm, come to terms that you were...gay?” Jihoon whispered, asking the elder boy on the drive back home. If someone like Seongwoo could figure himself out, then so could Jihoon, and that’s why he felt getting advice from the elder could possibly help him_

 

 

_”How’d I figure out I was gay?” Seongwoo repeated, while Jihoon patiently waited for an elaborated answer, watching the elder’s lips curve into a smile_

 

_“I just watched a whole lot of gay fucking porn”_

 

And here Jihoon was, awkwardly on his laptop, several tabs open of PornHub. As if this was the most normal thing to do on a Thursday night, dressed in donut pajamas, reading glasses, and some gay porn

 

Jihoon thought he was being stupid, because Seongwoo was stupid, because how is watching gay porn supposed to help him understand his sexuality? But then again, if it worked for Seongwoo, it could probably work for him, no matter how ridiculous it seemed

 

But it was ridiculous, and extremely awkward and uncomfortable for Jihoon, not knowing what to click or what to watch, he felt so embarrassed 

 

_To: Linnie_

_Hey_

_have you ever watched_

 

 

Jihoon felt his cheeks heating up as he typed, he felt like he was doing the most right now, almost in a laughable situation 

 

_From: Linnie_

_have i ever watched a pretty boy with ugly as fuck sweaters breathe?_

_yeah lol_

 

Rolling his eyes at the younger's messages, cursing under his breath as he began to type again. He wanted to ask his boyfriend, because maybe Guanlin would be more uselful and wise, but this was Lai Guanlin, Jihoon couldn’t expect that. If anything, Guanlin would probably say something stupid and make fun of Jihoon

 

_To: Linnie_

_haveyoueverwatchedgayporn_

 

_From: Linnie_

_what_

 

_To: Linnie_

_have you ever_

_watcheddddd_

_gayporn_

_.-._

 

 

He saw the bubbles appear, and then stop. Maybe Guanlin was typing something thoughtful and wise, taking back his thoughts once he got Guanlin’s message

 

_From: Linnie_

_Yeah I actually watch men getting fucked in the ass with my mom on our flatscreen tv #motherandsonbondingtime :)_

 

_To: Linnie_

_Bye_

 

 

As soon as Jihoon clicked the video, he wanted to throw his laptop away, hearing the obscene noises

 

_Is that how sex really sounds like_

 

Jihoon was frightened, immediately shutting his laptop closed, breathing heavily. That was a rollercoaster, and he’d only made it through 10 seconds, never again

 

 _”Why’d he slam in like a wrecking ball..?”_ Jihoon asked himself in a whisper, shuddering at the thought. But before he could sleep away the misery, he called Seongwoo

 

”Fuck you Ong Seongwoo”

 

+

 

“Why’re you packing all that food? You never take food from our restaurant-“ Guanlin’s co-worker asked him questionably, raising his brows

 

Guanlin wanted to treat his boyfriend, and he knows since day one Jihoon enjoyed the beef bulgogi at his place more than anything else. So why not pack a bunch for Jihoon, especially when seeing the elder eat made Guanlin feel at ease 

 

 

“They’re for my boyfriend” Guanlin bluntly stated, eyes widening when he realized what just slipped out his mouth, avoiding eye contact with his co-worker

 

 _”Boyfriend...?”_  

 

At a time like this, Guanlin should have worried for exposing himself that way, but what did he have to lose? Being looked down by some loser who works in the fast food service with him? Yeah, Guanlin definitely didn’t care, and Park Jihoon wasn’t someone he wanted to hide 

 

“Yes, boyfriend as in he doesn’t have a vagina, understood?” Guanlin snapped, eyes focusing back to packing food for Jihoon. He didn’t care about what others thought, unlike Jihoon, Guanlin was much more open minded, and loving Jihoon wasn’t something he was and would never be ashamed of. 

 

_He would never be ashamed of being who he was_

 

 

“Oh, well happy for you,” his co-worker smiled, slightly shocking Guanlin, because he expected a totally different reaction, slightly feeling bad for coming off rude. But you couldn’t blame Guanlin, he knew how nasty people were, which made him naturally defensive 

 

“Thank you, I am happy”

 

+

 

When Guanlin entered his apartment, he noticed that the tv wasn’t on, usually how he’d see Jihoon sat in front of it

 

Slowly walking to his bedroom to see Jihoon sprawled out on their bed, lips parted with soft steady breaths, hair parted. Guanlin wanted to stare forever, because Park Jihoon was much more than ethereal, no type of terminology could ever come close to describing how beautiful he was

 

Admiring his boyfriend as he opened his laptop, eyes about to burst out his socket once his eyes settled on the screen

 

_Gay Twink Gets F-_

 

Guanlin couldn’t believe his eyes, screeching with a loud laugh, coughing up his lungs as he fell to the floor. 

 

_His boyfriend, the Park Jihoon was watching gay porn, by himself_

 

It was all too much for Guanlin, not believing his eyes, the whole situation way too amusing and messy. It must’ve been shocking for Jihoon too, body jolting up upon hearing Guanlin’s screaming

 

”Guanlin what the hell?” Jihoon spoke in a groggy voice, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the tiredness

 

But Guanlin didn’t stop laughing, his y’all figure awkwardly rolling around the floor, trying to catch his breath, “twinks? Gay twinks really?” the younger boy coughed out, clutching onto his stomach

 

Jihoon wanted to die that’s what he’s decided, he wanted to drown and die because this was officially the lowest moment of his life. His body literally froze, whilst Guanlin never stopped laughing, obnoxiously flailing around 

 

 

“Are you done” Jihoon hissed, folding his arms over his chest, cheeks gone beet red from the mess he was in

 

Guanlin just caught him

 

”Are _you_ done?” Guanlin giggled, standing up straight to squeeze Jihoon’s face, “it wasn’t my idea, can we- can we just forget about this?” 

 

“Babe, I’m gonna need you to explain from the top to why the fuck you were watching that, and why you asked me if I watched it” Guanlin smirked, capturing Jihoon’s lips for a kiss, pulling away quickly to laugh once again

 

”I’m not telling you”

 

”You’re telling me”

 

”Screw you”

 

”Oh? So that’s why you were watching those videos...huh?” Guanlin teased, pretending to be shocked, whereas Jihoon felt his ears perk up, reddening in embarrassment, because that was _not_ his intention. He should’ve never listened to Ong Seongwoo 

 

“Seongwoo hyung told me he found out he was uhm gay after watching those videos, so I decided to try it out myself!” Jihoon scoffed, covering his heated face

 

”And you listened to that dumbfuck?” Guanlin snorted, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, rubbing circles down the smaller boy’s back, feeling Jihoon cuddle against him. “I feel so stupid, but I was just so frustrated and I wanted to know why I didn’t have a label of my own! I felt like I betrayed the whole idea of our relationship when you knew yourself but I didn’t!” The elder confessed, feeling stupid and overall frustrated 

 

“Baby..our relationship isn’t based off labels, our sexual orientations don’t make up our bond, it’s the love and trust that does. Like I’ve said before, sexuality doesn’t matter to me, when we first met you told me you were straight, yet you managed to fall for me, right?” Jihoon nodded, eyes glued on Guanlin’s face, “so it doesn’t have to change now, you need to identify as anything to love me, because I’ll love you regardless, always remember that”

 

Jihoon remembered it

 

+

 

“Go out on a date with me, we haven’t been on one in a while,” Guanlin murmured, breathing tickling Jihoon’s neck, as he kissed it softly whilst speaking against his skin

 

”I don’t want you spending your mon-“

 

”I spend money on you because I love to spoil you, and I spend my money on things that are usesful to me, and making you happy is something useful to me” the younger quickly intejected, making Jihoon smile brightly, beaming at his boyfriend, “I love you so much, you know that right?” 

 

“Hmm, I don’t know, prove it,” Guanlin grinned, pursing his lips together, seeing the shorter male lean in with a bigger smile of his own

 

”I think this’ll prove it well-“ Jihoon whispered before closing the gap between them, softly pressing his lips onto Guanlin’s, feeling the taller boy lift his weight up onto his lap, straddling him

 

Melting in the sweet kiss, Jihoon let Guanlin lead it, smiling widely as he titled his head to let the younger pepper kisses down his jaw, each and every one of them soft and loving, “I love your cheeks so much, wanna squish them all day..” Guanlin murmured into the kiss, caressing Jihoon’s cheek lovingly

 

”You can squish them all you want”

 

”Good, I was planning to”

 

”What if I said no?” Jihoon spoke into the kiss, hearing Guanlin groan because the elder was about to makenzie an argument begin in the middle of their very nice kiss

 

_”Jihoon shut the fuck up and let me kiss you”_

 

+

 

“Guanlin you can’t order me the whole restaurant!” Jihoon giggled, watching Guanlin pick out all his orders, it was cute honestly. Guanlin was so cute. Jihoon was so in love, has he mentioned that he loved Lai Guanlin

 

”I can, and I will, and _you_ definitely will eat it all” the younger spoke sternly, eyes never leaving the menu in his hands, Jihoon wanted to take his hand and kiss him, but they were in public  

 

 

Everytime they spent time out, so many times and opportunities slipped where Jihoon wanted to lace their fingers together, maybe peck the younger’s cheek, it only made him envious of all the people around him 

 

How the girl and boy just a couple tables behind them were able to be publicly display their affection towards each other, kissing one another, while Jihoon and Guanlin were no different, yet they were so restricted 

 

“Baby, why do you look upset? Are you okay?” Guanlin whispered, concern lacing his voice as he stopped what he was doing to eye Jihoon. No he wasn’t okay, because he wanted to love his boyfriend and show him off the way everyone else in the world could

 

_Guanlin was the best gem in his life, yet he couldn’t let that gem shine and show it off_

 

”I wanna hold your hand and kiss you so badly..” the brunette whispered sadly, looking down at his lap, feeling Guanlin lay his hand on top of his own

 

It felt so warm, he wanted to wrap himself up in Guanlin’s hold

 

”Guanlin, w-we can’t-“ Jihoon weakly spoke, slipping his hand away, being stopped by the younger, “yes we can, stop focusing on what others think. Do you really care Jihoon? About what they think of us?”

 

 _Yes he did,_ because he was just like that. But he didn’t want to care

 

“I don’t want to..but I do?” Jihoon questioned himself, feeling like a disappointment to Guanlin, after all he’s done for him

 

“It’s not easy, especially not for someone like you who’s brand new to all of this, but I support you no matter what baby, I’m always by your side. You don’t have to show public displays of affection to me or whatever...because _I know_ you love me, just stop getting worked up and ashamed of, _that_ hurts me”

 

And that’s what hurt Jihoon the most, hearing that Guanlin that he was ashamed of them, because _never_ for one second has Jihoon regretted falling in love with Lai Guanlin, and neither was he ever ashamed of the beautiful relationship they built

 

”I w-would n-never be ashamed of us, Guanlin our relationship is a main priority, something I value a lot-“

 

“I trust you.” Guanlin smiled, holding Jihoon’s hand under the table, rubbing soft circles around them

 

Soon enough the food came out, and Guanlin was being extra domestic, literally babying him

 

”Guanlin stop!” Jihoon giggled, covering his mouth as the younger fed him food with his own hands, even leaning over to wipe the sauce from the corners of his mouth

 

”You eat like a baby...aish” the taller boy shook his head, smiling to himself as he sat with the most incredible boy in the world, on a date

 

”I’m your baby” Jihoon scoffed, pouting as he ate

 

”Yes you are, mine only”

 

The two exchanged wide grins and smiles, laughing, frequently feeding one another until something caught Guanlin’s eye

 

Guanlin saw a boy around their age giving them a nasty look from the table behind them, “hey you, do you have a fucking problem?” Guanlin hissed, eyes glowering at the boy

 

He knew he was being judged, and there was no way someone would directly judge him for being with his boyfriend, he felt his blood boil, getting up his seat

 

 

“I asked, if you had a problem,” Guanlin repeated, tone much calmer this time, but the anger remained, fists clenched falling by his sides 

 

“No, just looked like you two were on a date or something-“ the arrogant boy laughed, waving Guanlin off

 

_”Maybe because we fucking are”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUANLIN FUCNSISJD MY LEGEND


	4. ur my gift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING QUICK I WAS BUSY JFJSJS HOPE U ENJOY ILL UPDATE SOON OMGKF PLS BOOMMARK KUDOS N LEAVE FEEDBACK IT HELPS ME UPDATE AAA TYSM FOR READING my twt is @guanlinsjihoon if u wanna YELL AT ME

“Today’s a pretty special day isn’t it?” Guanlin grinned, wrapping his arms around Jihoon’s waist who was sat on his lap. It was his birthday today and so far he was not getting the birthday treatment he rightfully deserved

 

”I guess,” the small boy shrugged, pouring cereal into his mouth, “I don’t see what’s so special about it though”

 

_Uh it’s my, as in, your boyfriend’s who is a legend, fucking birthday!_

 

”Babe, it’s such a special day..” Guanlin repeated, nuzzling his face into the crook of Jihoon’s neck, feeling the boy giggle from being ticklish, _cute._ If Jihoon really didn’t remember his birthday, he was going to make sure he burned all of his ugly ass cardigans. “Baby, you’re acting weird stop,” the elder lightheartedly laughed, pecking Guanlin’s lips, except Guanlin couldn’t respond, just frowning into the kiss. He felt so disrespected 

 

 

“Such a nice day...so cool, so many cool people were born today...” The younger wondered off, hoping his boyfriend would catch on, _and_ feel guilty, but Jihoon didn’t do any of that. “Uh, good for them? You’re so weird, I’m going out” Jihoon laughed, pulling the younger’s face in for a sweet and slow kiss, as well as peppering Guanlin’s face with kisses because he was so cute and he loved him him so much

 

Guanlin may have hated Jihoon at the moment, but he still loved his kisses 

 

+

 

Jihoon felt terrible, and he was nervous, having to lie to Guanlin’s face. He was terrible at acting, feeling himself laugh at the thought of Guanlin desperately hint at his birthday. But he had to do what he had to do for Guanlin’s surprise birthday party 

 

Weeks ahead Jihoon planned everything, even reaching out to Guanlin’s father who was still upset at Guanlin for his sexuality. And Jihoon just couldn’t let his boyfriend celebrate his birthday without both his parents present, he wanted Guanlin to shine tonight 

 

 

_“He’s your son, you can’t just cut him out of your life like that..” Jihoon reasoned, sat at Guanlin’s parents home with the younger’s father_

_The old man didn’t budge, glaring at Jihoon not to subtly, “he is a disgrace, he isn’t normal, was it so hard to just get a girlfriend?”_

_It hit Jihoon in the gut, because god knows how many times Guanlin had to bear those cruel words and judgements. Loving people should never equate to normality_

_”Yes it was hard because that’s just not who he is. You can’t force him to love the way you guys want, he isn’t a puppet, and this wasn’t a choice for him. It’s what he feels in his heart and what makes him happy..”_

_Instead of snapping, the older man glowered at Jihoon, exhaling sharply, “I just don’t understand why he would go on a path like that, it’s so r-risky...People won’t treat him right, I worry, he’s my only son after all” To an extent, Jihoon could understand a parent’s concern, not everyone was fortunate enough to have accepting parents. But it didn’t give anyone the right to bash people for simply loving_

_Guanlin did nothing wrong and he definitely didn’t deserve to hear vile words against him, “like you said..he’s your only son, so why would you push him away? Just because he likes-“ Jihoon stopped to pick his choice of words, suddenly not caring because there was nothing to sugarcoat, Guanlin was gay and Jihoon would support his boyfriend anyday, “-he likes boys, he isn’t someone different, he is the same Guanlin you raised, from what I’ve seen, probably better and happier. He’s so confident, I can’t explain how wonderful Guanlin is...” Smiling softly to himself, thinking of how thankful he was to have met the younger boy_

_It’s times like these where Jihoon is extra appreciative of Guanlin’s existence, and understands just how valuable he is to him, and that he truly wouldn’t trade anything in the world for him_

_“Do you love him?” Guanlin’s father asked in a monotone voice, staring at Jihoon with an intense gaze, “because I don’t want Guanlin ruining his future from some phase that could corrupt his mind”_

_Jihoon wanted to laugh at the ridiculous things the man had said, choosing to hold his anger in, “do I love him? He’s made me realize the importance of love and trust. I-I’ve always isolated myself, always had a low confidence, he came into my life and subtly opened my eyes and gave me strength, it sounds crazy right? But your son did all of that, he is the most selfless person in the world, just imagine what he goes through every night knowing his own father doesn’t accept him...”_

_No words were exchanged between them, the silence filling up the atmosphere, “I love him so much, I love him the way I would love any other girl as I was told and raised to, that never should matter, he drew me in with his charms, and most of all he cares more than anyone can, please don’t miss out on his life, be by his side, let the grudges and negative thoughts go” Jihoon may have sounded desperate, but he wanted nothing more than to see Guanlin smile brightly, knowing he had the support of his own blood_

_“Would he even want to see me?”_

_Just those few words alone managed to make Jihoon’s heart pace rapidly_ , _not believing his own ears that his father was being lenient, “nothing would make him happier, he isn’t mad at you, he just wants to be accepted by you, please give him a chance, and let him give you one”_

 

_”Okay, I’ll come to the party”_

 

 

And that’s how Jihoon found himself in the belated mood he was in right now, on his way to Daehwi and Jinyoung to pick up Guanlin’s birthday cake

 

_From: Daniel Hyung_

_Just picked up Guanlin  
_

_He won’t shut up about how you’re the worst boyfriend in the world and that next time he kisses you he won’t brush his teeth_

_He also said he’s going to spit in your cereal_

_Lin’s a feisty one_

 

Jihoon felt a wide grin creep up onto his lips, shaking his head as he read the messages. _Of course Guanlin would say things like that,_ reasons why he loved his boyfriend and his sharp tongue 

 

 

+

 

“I just don’t fucking get it, how could that midget piece of shit just forget about my birthday? Does he know who I am? I’m Lai Guanlin, sexy beast legend” the Taiwanese boy rambled on, dramatically throwing his hands in their air as Daniel drove, giggling every once in a while due to Guanlin’s tantrums 

 

“I’m sure he’ll remember, he’s probably stressed with work and all-“ Daniel smiled softly, hearing Guanlin sigh sadly, “that’s true, honestly his health matters to me more than anything, and I just worry everyday if he’s even eating well, you get me?” Guanlin whispered sadly, heart always feeling like it’s being tugged out his chest whenever he thinks of his boyfriend. Daniel did understand, nodding in acknowledgment

 

“I do get you. Seongwoo’s extremely forgetful, always rushing for his acting classes, he doesn’t take care of himself and I just don’t want him to f-fall ill”

 

Guanlin’s never witnessed the caring, concerned side of Daniel, smiling to himself as he heard the older boy pour out his heart and worries. “Jihoon skips meals a lot, I just wanna follow him to work and buy food from his shitty workplace and feed him right there, god I’d do anything to make sure he was healthy-“ the taller boy groaned, sinking in his seat, “he’d do anything for you too Guanlin, he loves and cares about you a lot, he talks to me-“

 

Clearly drawing Guanlin’s attention, raising his brows as he eyed the blonde boy, “oh really? You two talk about me? Didn’t know I was that relevant” the younger bragged, patting on his shoulders attempting to act arrogant 

 

 

“We talk about how you’re an obnoxious piece of shit”

 

”Burn in hell bastard”

 

+

 

”Stop worrying so much, the cake won’t grow legs and walk away dummy” Daehwi laughed, too amused by seeing Jihoon pace around his apartment for 5 minutes, eyeing the cake with his all, “I can’t let Guanlin’s birthday go to shit! I need to make sure it’s perfect and the best for my baby okay?” Jihoon breathed out quickly, blushing upon realization that he’d just spoke extremely highly and affectionately about Guanlin with Daehwi

 

”Hyung, we’ve got everything covered! Jinyoung’s going to pick his parents up now, soon Daniel hyung will bring Guanlin here, and he’ll love you and kiss you and whatever gay stuff you guys do!” 

 

It still wasn’t enough to reassure Jihoon, when his mind was set on throwing his boyfriend the perfect night as a party, he meant it with every fiber in his body, “I want him to smile the brightest he’s been tonight, he deserves it Daehwi..”

 

The party was not only to celebrate Guanlin’s existence, but it was to show Jihoon’s gratitude and love for the younger boy, and how much he’s impacted him. Guanlin was the best most valuable aspect in his life, a literal gem he never wanted to shatter, Lai Guanlin was simply too good for the world 

 

 

“Just you being with him, that’d be the best birthday ever. Jinyoung’s told me he stopped celebrating his birthday for a few years ever since he came out to his parents, the same feeling just wasn’t there. And we’ll change that tonight, so don’t get so worked up...” the blonde boy spoke softly, as he swept the floor due to Jihoon’s request, “and that’s exactly why I should get worked up! He’s celebrating his special day in so long, I need everything to run accordingly, I want him to smile the biggest he’s ever smiled, you don’t get how much this party means to me Daehwi” Jihoon signed, genuinely worried that something may possibly screw up their plans, ruining Guanlin’s birthday 

 

 

_From: Daniel Hyung_

_Guanlin just tried to choke me_

 

”Oh my god...” Jihoon laughed, eyes widening in shock

 

_To: Daniel Hyung_

_Why????_

 

_From: Daniel Hyung_

_Bc I said you had nice eyes...wtf_

 

Of course Guanlin would do that, always letting his jealous instincts get to him, Jihoon may have found it cute, but he wouldn’t admit it

 

_From: Daniel Hyung_

_ok wtf?_

_I said you had ugly eyes instead and he STILL choked me_

 

_To: Daniel Hyung_

_Ok_

 

+

 

“Jihoon-ah, you look so handsome, wah” Guanlin’s mother gushed, petting his head, shyly looking down, “t-thank you”

 

Unlike Guanlin’s father who had a resting bitchface, Guanlin’s mother was openly greeting everyone at Jinyoung’s apartment, introducing herself to everyone

 

”So is everyone in a male and male relationship here?” Guanlin’s father asked in a judgemental tone, eyeing Jihoon, Daehwi, and Hyungseob with skeptical eyes. Instead of being offended, Jihoon felt his cheeks heating up, nodding at the old man, who sighed heavily 

 

“What has the world come to...” the man muttered under his breath, Jihoon pretended to ignore it, feeling his nerves tense, but he wouldn’t let his petty anger ruin Guanlin’s birthday 

 

But words like that _did_ affect Jihoon, because he didn’t want Guanlin’s father showing such careless and rude attitude in front of Guanlin, slowly walking towards the man, “I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but you said you would give Guanlin a chance, please do not ruin his night with careless words like that, can’t you try at least? _For him?_ ” 

 

 

Expecting the man to reject, Jihoon was thrown off by his words, “I just can’t believe or understand this! You’re telling me you two are close? And love each other? What do you kids even know about such? Foolish crap I tell you, it just baffles me”

 

One thing Jihoon despised was being judged and questioned for loving Guanlin, he’s heard it enough by his mother, he didn’t need to be reminded again. He didn’t need to be reminded every single day about how Guanlin and Jihoon were ‘brainwashed’ going through a ‘phase’ he was simply sick of it. No one would believe just what they share

 

”Believe it when you see it”

 

+

 

“He’s coming!” Hyungseob shouted, tripping over a plushy, “dumbass..” Woojin sighed heavily

 

”Will both of you fucking shut up” Jihoon hissed, kicking Hyungseob onto Woojin’s lap, both of them glaring at the smaller boy. Upon hearing Guanlin and Daniel’s voice near the door, everyone hushed 

 

“Why the fuck would you say Jihoon’s eyes are pretty? Right in front of _me_ , his boyfriend! How would you feel if I said ‘oh Seongwoo hyung has a nice cock?’ Huh Kang Daniel?” Jihoon heard Guanlin’s voice, the annoyance and sarcasm laced in his voice very evidently, while Jihoon tried to stifle back a laugh

 

Footsteps coming closer, hearing Daniel sigh, “first of all, Seongwoo hyung would never even show you his dick, and I just complimented his eyes! Can’t people compliment each other?” the older boy defended himself helplessly

 

”You can compliment whoever the fuck you want, _just_ not my boyfriend or I swear I’ll dislocate your foot and stick it far up your ass”

 

All Jihoon could think of was about how Guanlin’s parents must feel having to hear their son’s sharp tongue, ducking himself further down behind the couch

 

”Happy birthday!” Everyone shouted as soon as the lights were flicked on, except for Kim Jaehwan, who was once again, not on time, “fucking again Jaehwan?” Minhyun groaned, shaking his head in disapproval. The other male only smiled sheepishly, eyes fixed back onto Guanlin who was gaping at everyone, especially his dad

 

“W-who did all of this?” the Taiwanese boy whispered, still in the state of shock and processing everything. Everyone pointed their fingers at Jihoon, suddenly feeling his cheeks heat up from being the center of attention

 

”Oh my god...” Guanlin beamed, running to lift Jihoon up, “god I love you so much..” the boy whispered into Jihoon’s head, embracing his boyfriend into a warm and secure hug, not caring about all the eyes on them, _especially_  not his father

 

“I would _never_ forget about your birthday baby, I wanted to surprise you..” Jihoon smiled, cheeks being cupped by Guanlin who stared at him with only fondness in his eyes, the same smile Jihoon falls in love with more and more everyday

 

”Okay that’s enough, let me greet my son-“ Guanlin’s mother pulled the two apart, with Jihoon flushing from realization that they’d been in their own little world, in front of everyone. 

 

“I’m so glad you’re my son Guanlin-ah” the old lady smiled, caressing her son’s cheek, “I’d hope so” Guanlin snorted, grinning cheekily, earning a smack from his mother, “but uhm, what’s he-“ gesturing towards his father who still stood awkwardly by himself, “doing here? Doesn’t he hate his disgraceful son?” Guanlin bitterly spoke. To that, Guanlin’s mother warmly smiled, “your boyfriend here...he talked to your father and knocked some slight sense into him, basically he’s willing to understand and talk to you, don’t be stubborn Guanlin, just please? We won’t be the perfect family, who knows if he’ll accept you as soon as possible, but he is willing to put effort, please?” His mother smiled with a hopeful glint in her expectant eyes

 

Guanlin wanted to deny, who could be so forgiving after years of disgust and vile words? No one. But for the sake of his mother, and his asshole boyfriend who went behind his back with good intentions, Guanlin was ready to speak to his father 

 

“Fine, I’ll talk to him, but Jihoon has to come along since he was behind this and who knows what that bastard has to say” 

 

“Guanlin don’t say that..” Jihoon frowned, even though he understood Guanlin’s justified anger, he wanted the tension to slowly fade. “He’s waiting in your room, please try to mend ways”

 

Of course Guanlin wanted to make everything right, be accepted, intertwining his fingers with Jihoon’s, walking towards his room

 

“You wanted to talk?” the Taiwanese boy asked in an emotionless tone, watching the old man’s eyes immediately divert towards their interlocked hands, with Guanlin smirking, knowing his father wouldn’t bear it. But he did, nodding with a small smile

 

“It’s too late to apologize, I still don’t agree with this, but neither do I understand, and that’s why I’m willing to. Besides, like this young man mentioned-“ gesturing Jihoon who shifted shyly, “I want to be apart of your life, and if this is the-“ his father swallowed down his pride and ego, “if this is path you want, then I will try to support you, I can’t say sorry for the words I’ve said, or take them back. But I want to go forward, if you’re okay with that”

 

Hearing his father initiate and intend to form a civil relationship from his own mouth was something Guanlin didn’t expect, instead expecting his father to throw some cruel words at him, making him speechless. “You probably won’t be okay-“

 

”I really would like that, just please, no more rude words, if you’re uncomfortable let me know, I don’t need to ben constantly reminded of how much you disagree-“ Guanlin quickly cut his father off, boring his eyes into the older man’s with sincerity, feeling his boyfriend squeeze his hand reassuringly, “I’ll do my best, son, and you can thank this fellow for talking to me, I’ll start to support you, most of all, _I do_ accept you, because clearly you are happy with him, and that’s all that should matter to a father for a son, right?”

 

All Guanlin could think of at that moment was that, he loved Park Jihoon more than anything in his life

 

+

 

”How'd you do that Park Jihoon?” Guanlin whispered, pressing his lips onto the elder’s jaw, “I’m special, what can I say?” 

 

“Mmm, can’t disagree on that..” the younger spoke lowly, trailing soft kisses down the smaller boy’s neck, feeling Jihoon throw his head back, sighing, “you are special, more than special, fucking perfect you asshole” Causing Jihoon to giggle, “why do you always insult me when you try to be romantic?” 

 

“Because I can,” attaching his lips onto Jihoon’s, closing the gap between them for a passionate and slow kiss, “fuck you’re too good for me, you got that bald bastard to accept me” Guanlin laughed into the kiss, gripping onto Jihoon’s hips, making them glued chest to chest

 

”That bald bastard is your dad, aish be more respectful,” kissing Guanlin’s lips eagerly and harshly, hands roaming to settle on his chest, “he didn’t respect me, so fuck that” Guanlin breathed out, trapping the smaller boy against the wall, enjoying the sweet kiss they were sharing

 

”But he’s going to learn to do that now, right?” Jihoon murmured back, wrapping his legs around the taller boy’s waist as soon as Guanlin hoisted him up, “I hope so baby,” biting down on Jihoon’s pink swollen lips, who easily gave access, letting the younger explore his mouth. Tilting Jihoon’s chin up, sliding his tongue in to taste the boy better, swallowing the moan Jihoon tried to hold back, “Guanlin..” the elder whimpered, fisting his hands through Guanlin’s hair, carding his fingers through whenever Guanlin kissed roughly, yet gentle and swift with his movements 

 

Kissing Lai Guanlin would never be something Jihoon could get tired of, always feeling himself get lost and drowned into the intimate moment, only between them. It wasn’t love and lust, it’s the gap that both of them had, where the both fill up, balancing each other. 

 

It’s moments like these Jihoon realizes he isn’t himself without the younger by his side to hold him, feeling his eyes water up, “baby don’t cry..” the taller boy whispered against Jihoon’s lips, gently wiping his tear away. Instead of crying, Jihoon buried his face into the crook of Guanlin’s neck, feeling security and warmth, ragged breaths blown into his skin, pulling away to meet the Taiwanese boy’s innocent large eyes

 

”Guanlin” the elder panted, eyes lidded, cheeks blown out and flushed, lips swollen, with Guanlin staring back in admiration, because  _fuck_ Park Jihoon was so beautiful like this, and he was _his only_

 

”Hmm”

 

 

_“It’s your birthday, but you’re my gift”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAYYYY


	5. not ashamed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER MAKES ME WANNA DIE IM CRYING SO MCUCHCH PLEASE BOOKMARK KUDOS AND LEAVE FEEDBACK FOR UPDATES IM SORRY I WENT DEAD ALSO MY TWT IS @guanlinsjihoon if U WANNA YELL AT ME

“Why did you comment a smiley face and ‘good looking’ on this guy’s photo?” Jihoon hissed, walking into their bedroom with his phone out. Maybe he was overreacting, _he was,_ but he grew defensive over his boyfriend being associated with other boys, _especially_ when they’re good looking. Maybe even a bit threatened, despite the many times Guanlin’s reassured him that he’s the one 

 

“Cause he’s not ugly?” Guanlin shrugged, answering in a ‘as a matter of fact tone’, looking bored as he continued doing squats on the floor. Jihoon could only scoff in disbelief, the way he’d spoken so casually, it almost made him offended because Guanlin didn’t see the wrong in it, “oh my god...baby are you jealous?” the younger stopped to let his lips curve into a cheeky grin, walking up to Jihoon. “Me? Jealous? Why would I be jealous over that ugly piece of s-shit?” the elder responded, stuttering along his sentence

 

Guanlin didn’t buy it, smirking further, narrowing his eyes at the smaller boy, whose cheeks were flushed in embarrassment, “I think it’s cute when your jealous...” Guanlin whispered in Jihoon’s ear, breath tickling his earlobe, “...kind of hot too” The boy grinned, pulling back to see Jihoon’s face completely beet red, “Yah! You’re so fucking- you! Leave me alone!” Jihoon tried forming words, dramatically throwing his hands in the air, speechless from his boyfriend’s actions

 

 

”Leave you alone? Baby _you_ interrupted me, now you leave me alone to continue my ass exercises-“

 

”You’re ridiculous, and a piece of shit”

 

”But you went all the way to Taiwan to claim your love for this piece of shit _right?_ ” 

 

Jihoon wanted to slap the smirk off Guanlin’s face, huffing as he stormed out the room. Halfway through the hallway, racing back to their bedroom

 

”Yes, I did, and I don’t regret it you piece of shit” the elder tackled Guanlin, pressing his warm lips onto the younger's chapped ones, feeling Guanlin grin into the kiss

 

”I hope you never regret being with me”

 

+

 

Sometimes it felt genuinely surreal to Daehwi that he got to kiss and hold Bae Jinyoung. Although their love was secretive, they were the most open with each other, but sometimes Daehwi wanted to be public 

 

He knew how Jinyoung was scared, he resembled Jihoon in some aspects, both afraid of showing the world what they’ve got, it hurt Daehwi to admit, but sometimes it felt like the elder was ashamed of him

 

And that was exactly how he felt right now, surrounded by the elder’s friends as they were celebrating someone’s college entry

 

The worst part was how two girls kept calling Jinyoung handsome, even going to the extent of touching him, yet he didn’t budge, he knew he had to pretend, but it didn’t change the fact that Daehwi was hurt. What hurt more was how ignored he felt, he didn’t know anyone here and Jinyoung carried on most conversation with Daehwi sat alone

 

”So how’d you two meet?” some boy named Kwon asked, eyes directed towards Jinyoung, “just a friend of mine from work”

 

Daehwi pretended not to be hurt, pretended his heart didn’t clench, the fact that he wasn’t even addressed as a best friend, but just someone from work. It hurt him a lot, yet he smiled, nodding his head for the sake of his boyfriend

 

Jinyoung hadn’t even glanced at him the whole night, everything felt so foreign for him. The elder only kept chatting amongst his friends, at a point Daehwi leaned his head onto Jinyoung’s but he was pushed off in a subtle way

 

”Your friend here doesn’t talk that much...huh?” another girl spoke up, eyeing Daehwi as he shrunk into his seat, “guess not” Jinyoung shrugged, still not taking a glimpse of Daehwi. He felt so ignored and terrible 

 

Slowly slipping his hand under the table to link it with Jinyoung’s, he felt his throat grow dry when the boy roughly pulled back, side glaring at him, “what the fuck are you doing?” the boy hissed in Daehwi’s ear, smiling at his friends 

 

“S-sorry, I’m gonna leave I feel t-tired” the younger choked out, vision becoming blurry from the tears threatening to spill. Before they’d slide down his cheeks, making a scene, Daehwi quickly raced out the restaurant, finally being able to breathe once he was outside.

 

That’s when he let his tears out

 

+

 

_laiguanlin_

 

_liked by ongongseong, d.anielk, parkjihoon and 98 others_

_**laiguanlin**  _ _date with this fucking loser he’s glaring at the waitress who smiled at me_

 

 

 _ **parkjihoon**_ _how do i dislike this photo ?_

_**laiguanlin** @parkjihoon uhm tap it twice!_

_**parkjihoon** you asshole that made like the photo i’m blocking and reporting you._

_**laiguanlin** @parkjihoon i’m reporting you to the police sir_

_**parkjihoon** why ?_

_**laiguanlin** @parkjihoon for stealing my heart. _

_**woojinpark** shut the fuck up_

 

 

 _“_ So why’re we arguing on instagram when we’re sitting next to each other?”

 

”Because I can’t argue with you face to face”

 

”How romantic,” Jihoon rolled his eyes, laying his head on the younger’s chest, “you’re so soft..” Guanlin giggled, whispering as he admired Jihoon, pecking all over his face, “and all mine, I can’t believe it” Because it did shock him that Park Jihoon woke up next to him everyday, and loved him back just as much as he did

 

 

Just as Guanlin was about to lean down to capture his boyfriend’s lips for a kiss, he heard the bell go off numerous times, “who the fuck-“

 

”I’ll go get it-“

 

”No some big bald guy could be out there I can’t let you get hurt” Guanlin stopped Jihoon, attempting to sound serious as he walked forward. But when he opened the door he was met by Lee Daehwi, with tears down his face who crushed him with a hug

 

”Daehwi...what’s wrong, hey..” Guanlin whispered, unable to process the situation and the crying boy in his arms, rubbing soft soothing circles down the boy’s back, “he’s so mean, I h-hate h-him!” the blonde cried, voice shaky

 

_Him?_

 

”Daehwi, what happened?” the Taiwanese boy repeated in a softer tone, tightly wrapping his arms around his friend’s waist, shutting the door behind them, “Guanlin who is it- Daehwi?” Jihoon spoke, shocked just as much as Guanlin, even about to get jealous from seeing their hug until he saw Daehwi’s tears

 

“I-It’s Jinyoung, he’s such an asshole! He’s so mean, I don’t want to see h-him!” Daehwi cried harder, fisting his hands into the fabric of Guanlin’s sweater, while Guanlin still couldn’t do anything, completely taken back from the situation, especially because he’s never seen the bright charismatic Lee Daehwi cry before. Clearly Jihoon noticed the way he was thrown off, pulling Daehwi off his hold, instead comforting him, “Daehwi, what happened?” Jihoon whispered calmly, patting down the boy’s trembling body

 

”Am I really that shameful? Does he really have to be ashamed of me that much? He didn’t even look at me the whole night, he told his friends I was just someone from work, he couldn’t even refer to me as a close friend! And when I secretly held his hand, he pushed me off and cursed at me, did I deserve t-that?” the younger boy breathed out, ragged as his words spilled, clinging tightly onto Jihoon

 

As Daehwi vented, all Guanlin could think of was how that did not sound like Jinyoung, he’s known his best friend for too long to know Jinyoung would not pull anything like that. Then again, Daehwi would never exaggerate nor lie, the boy genuinely loved Jinyoung, and his words only indicated how hurt he was. It still didn’t add up to the fact that Bae Jinyoung would do something like that

 

”Daehwi-ah...I’m so sorry to hear that, I don’t even know what to say. What he did was wrong and there’s no other way to put it, even if he wasn’t ready to let everyone know, he should’ve introduced you in a better way, and given you attention, but clearly he failed to do so...Is there any way I can help?” Jihoon tried to speak thoughtful wise words, seeing Daehwi slump into his chest, “I don’t know, I’m so upset hyung, I really didn’t deserve that”

 

”No one does, _especially_ you don’t deserve it, not someone as amazing as you”

 

”I think him and I should take a break-“ Daehwi spoke, voice stern yet broken at the same time, wiping his face. Definitely not the words neither Guanlin, or Jihoon has expected to hear from Daehwi’s mouth, the younger knew nothing more than Jinyoung. But maybe Jinyoung did cross a boundary and test Daehwi, even the kindest people can’t always go easy, _even Lee Daehwi breaks_

”We respect your choices, do whatever you feel is right to you” Guanlin encouraged, patting Daehwi’s back, but deep down he knew neither Daehwi or Jinyoung would take it well

 

_To: Jinyoungie_

_We should take a break._

_Please don’t contact me for a bit, I need space._

 

+

 

Jinyoung knew he fucked up, he knew the way he acted towards Daehwi was completely unacceptable and blatantly wrong, but it was too late to feel guilty. Right after the younger boy stormed out, Jinyoung felt his stomach drop, feeling himself panic, yet he stayed calm on the outside, plastering fake smiles along with his friends

 

_Did his reputation really matter more than Daehwi?_

 

Of course it didn’t, but he did exactly the opposite, proving himself right, ”I’m so fucking stupid...” Jinyoung gritted through his teeth, anger taking over his body to smash glass against the wall. A few people stared, but nothing mattered because he hurt someone he loved a lot

 

If it was just as easy to describe Lee Daehwi, the way he easily fell in love, Jinyoung could go on forever. So why’d he let society’s irrational irrelevant opinions get to him? He wasn’t dating Korea, he was dating Lee Daehwi, yet he treated their opinions more importantly than his own boyfriend’s

 

All Jinyoung could think of, was the flash of pain in Daehwi’s eyes when he pushed his hand off roughly, it wasn’t necessary, he shouldn’t have ever been rough with Daehwi, if anything the boy deserves to always be treated with gentle care. 

 

Funny how Daehwi would sacrifice his dignity and reputation for Jinyoung, but he couldn’t give back any ounce of it for the boy he swears he loves with his all, Jinyoung was selfish, and angry at himself for being so pathetic 

 

 

_From: Daehwi <3_

_We should take a break._

_Please don’t contact me for a bit, I need space._

 

It was the first time Jinyoung felt his drop 

 

+

 

“I’ll beat his ass, I’ll smack some sense into him with my basketball that’s bigger than his small fucking face!” Guanlin threatened, trying to comfort Daehwi, whereas Jihoon snorted at his boyfriend rolling his eyes, “beat his ass with what? Your chicken arms?”

 

“You shut it, you won’t even be able to reach his face midget” the Taiwanese boy fired back, smirking at the way Jihoon took a sharp breath, before glaring at him. Daehwi sighed loudly, hating everything at the moment. Both Guanlin and Jihoon must have noticed how distressed Daehwi was, suddenly stopping their back and forth bickering, “s-should we go out or something? Uhm give you some time alone?” the tall boy suggested, biting his nails, as Jihoon slapped it away, hating how it became a habit of Guanlin’s

 

It’s not like Daehwi could kick them out of their own homes, but in all honesty, he did want some time alone, “j-just for a bit...” 

 

“Okay! Perfect, Jihoon was getting hungry anyways!”

 

”Hey! I never said that!” Jihoon fumed, furrowing his brows together, sending daggers towards the boy, “I know, but I still have to make sure my baby’s eating 5 meals a day...”

 

”Whatever. Daehwi just ring us if you need anything, okay? I already set up everything in the guest room, you should get some rest, you’ve had a long day”

 

+

 

As soon as Jihoon and Guanlin left, Daehwi let the neverending stream of tears fall down his face, because reality kept coming back to make him feel pathetic 

 

He felt so lonely, watching his best friends bicker, being so happy with one another, that could have been Daehwi and Jinyoung right now, if it weren’t for the mistakes Jinyoung caused 

 

Seeing Guanlin constantly glance at Jihoon, always smiling softly to himself just because Jihoon was there and breathing, it reminded Daehwi of the way Jinyoung would do the same, now he felt like there was a missing part of it, with him trying to keep it glued together. Or the way Jihoon would shyly glance back at Guanlin, looking at him like he held the whole universe in his hands, it made Daehwi’s skin crawl with pain and envy

 

But what Jinyoung did was purely wrong, and Daehwi wasn’t okay. He was sensitive, there’s only so much he can put up with, but not even the strongest emotional person wouldn’t bear the way he was treated today. He simply felt like a joke, like he had no connection or association with Jinyoung whatsoever, it’s like they were strangers tonight 

 

 

_23 missed calls from Jinyoungie_

 

+

 

Guanlin wanted to shoot himself and there was no other way to describe his current mood, as he sat with Jihoon at a cafe

 

”Jihoon oppa! I haven’t seen you since you since our little date a few months ago, you left me hanging!” a perky short girl excitedly spoke. Right, the girl that Jihoon went out with by force to get himself over Guanlin, yet here he was, eating out with the boy he intended to forget months ago, now his boyfriend, in front of the girl he dated 

 

Before Jihoon could look up to Siyeon, his eyes trailed towards Guanlin’s who looked down at his lap, looking uncomfortable. The female noticed how Jihoon hadn’t responded, trying again, “who is this by the way?,” eyes following Jihoon’s to rest on Guanlin 

 

Siyeon had to admit, the boy was cute, huffing when neither men gave her the attention she wanted. Jihoon felt his throat grow dry, he wanted to say ‘this is my boyfriend, and I only used you to get over him, but here we are now, please leave us alone’ but he said something completely opposite 

 

“T-this is L-Lai Guanlin, a good friend of mine” Jihoon breathed out, nervously looking up to see Guanlin’s shoulders becoming tense, still ignoring the two of them, “Ah...I see, I see, you know I really enjoyed our date back then, we should do something like that again”

 

Guanlin wanted to throw up, why was he always involved in messy situations, wishing he could block out the two voices in front of him. Hearing a girl talk to your boyfriend right in front of you hurt, especially when you couldn’t just scream at them to fuck off

 

But Guanlin and Jihoon were nothing but a secret, the Taiwanese boy never having problems with showing public affection, never afraid of holding Jihoon’s hand, or even go as far as kissing the boy. But he always held himself back for the sake of Jihoon, because Jihoon would always be a coward, but it’s Guanlin’s fault for being so in love, and there was no changing in that

 

”That sounds lovely Siyeon..but I’ll have to turn you down on that, hopefully someone better yeah?” Jihoon tried forming words. He was in a messy situation as well, kindly rejecting a girl, as well as choosing the right words when your boyfriend was right in front of you.

 

“Don’t be like that! You told me you liked me a lot, we should totally go on another date, I have a friend who would totally like Guanlin-oppa as well!”

 

Guanlin choked on his drink, because the situation was literally a laughable one. Coughing uncontrollably, he felt Jihoon’s hands on his back, patting it to let the coughing fest tone down

 

_Yeah, I’m sure my gay ass would love to go on a date with your female friend_

 

” _I’m gay,_ so you can find someone else for your and Jihoon hyung's date, preferrably someone straight, I’m sure you understand” Guanlin bitterly smiled, not even looking back at Jihoon, who had his eyes widened at the fact that Guanlin casually told someone about his sexuality. And soon he was storming out the door, angry at everything, pissed because everything always got in his way, nothing could right for him

 

”He’s a homosexual? Doesn’t that mean he likes men? Wah..disgusting, oppa what are you doing hanging out with him?” 

 

Jihoon’s never felt his blood boil so quick, never felt himself become angry as much as he did the first time he accidentally called Guanlin a slur that wasn’t intended. _No one_ talks down on Guanlin, _no one_ talks poorly of him, or in a way that he was disgusting. Glowering at the small petite girl in front of him, Jihoon felt his expression shift within a matter of seconds, and all it took was a couple of words that spoke lowly of the boy he loved. 

 

"I'm serious, why would you hang out with someone so disgusting like him? You heard him, he said it himself he isn't norma-"

 

_"Maybe because I am just as disgusting as my boyfriend"_

 

+

 

The one thing Jihoon was the most afraid, not ashamed of admitting to the world was finally off his chest. He didn't know whether he should be worried if word spread, or happy because he was honest, he didn't cower and hide himself away. But the growing smile on his face told him otherwise, the smile that answered all his worries, he finally revealed that Lai Guanlin was his boyfriend, and if they supposedly disgusting for that, then let them be. Jihoon would rather be disgusting than to be a miserable liar

 

Soon his smile was replaced with a frown, realizing that Guanlin had stormed off, and now all his mind was focused on was about the younger's whereabouts, the flash of pain and uncomfortableness in Guanlin's eyes kept replaying in his head, making his stomach drop. Guanlin wouldn't answer any calls or messages, and Jihoon could only sympathize so much, because no one but Guanlin knows just how it must have felt to see your boyfriend being approached by females. Jihoon couldn't imagine how terrible and low Guanlin must have felt, how humiliated he probably was, jogging through the streets of Seoul in search for his boyfriend.

 

Nowhere in sight, Jihoon grew tired, along with his legs, panting until he saw a tall lanky figure ahead of him, sat on a bench

 

_Guanlin_

 

Jihoon didn't hesitate to run towards his boyfriend, even earning stares from a few people, but everything was blocked out besides his heavy heart and Guanlin. "Guanlin...I've been looking for you everywhere-"

 

 

 _"Why are you so ashamed of me Jihoon? Why are you so ashamed of us?"_ the younger whispered sadly, voice croaking as he spoke. Guanlin felt isolated at times, Jihoon could constantly be with him, but all the secrets made him feel disconnected, there's so much he could bear with, hiding the one person he loved and cherished the most was something he could not do. But for Jihoon, he put up with it for almost a year. Nearly a year too much, but he did all for Park Jihoon, to save his reputation

 

Jihoon was at loss of words, hearing the words spill from his boyfriend's mouth, hearing how broken and fed up Guanlin sounded, it made his heart clench. As much as Jihoon talked tall about not being ashamed of him or their relationship, his actions always proved otherwise. Guanlin had the benefit of doubt, but it didn't change the fact that hearing those words made him feel like he was being stabbed in the chest a million times. Jihoon would never be ashamed of being with Lai Guanlin never in a million years, he loved waking up to the face of the Taiwanese boy every morning, loved seeing his gummy smile, loved hearing Guanlin's loud high pitched laugh, he loved holding Guanlin's large warm hands that engulfed his, Jihoon loved poking at his dimple, Jihoon loved hearing Guanlin's groggy morning voice, not one single morning have they went without bickering. He loved bickering with Guanlin, he loved everything about Guanlin, _the boy almost always felt like a dream to him_

 

"I w-would _never_ be ashamed of you Guanlin, are you even hearing yourself? I would never be ashamed of us, what we have is something so important and valuable to me- _you_ are so important and valuable to me-"

 

"No Jihoon, are _you_ hearing yourself? We've been together for nine months, yet I constantly feel like I've wronged, felt like I was caged up always hiding us. I wanna fucking hold your hand when we walk Jihoon, I wanna fucking tell people that you're mine only, that behind closed doors, Park Jihoon kisses this boy-" pointing to himself weakly as his words fell, "but I always fucking kept shut to save your ass. For your stupid artificial dignity, you're just like everyone else, you're so selfish, _to think_ after nine months of dating a fucking a boy, you'd maybe mend your ways and try to be more open-“ Guanlin bitterly laughed, “but _fuck_ , fuck was I so wrong. I keep it all in for your sake, because I love you so much, I'd be willing to sacrifice everything for you, but would you do the same?" 

 

_Yes_

 

Of course Jihoon would, feeling his lungs close up and throat becoming dry after hearing all of Guanlin's raw thoughts that the poor boy had to bottle up, all because Jihoon was selfish, and a coward.

 

 

And currently the only person he was ashamed of was no one but _himself_. Guanlin deserved someone better, he deserved someone who would show him off, because he deserved to be shown off, Guanlin treated Jihoon like a prized possession, but all Jihoon did was treat him like a dirty secret. 

 

"I-I t-told Siyeon t-that you were my b-boyfriend, I'm so fucking sorry if I made you feel trapped for this long. I'm sorry you went through all of this alone, I'm sorry I'm a piece of shit, I love you so much Guanlin, many times I think of how I don't deserve you, and I probably don't but you're all I need and want, you're completely irreplaceable, and I'm sorry that the only thing I can say is sorry, I wouldn't even blame you or be surprised if you l-left me" Jihoon choked out, breathing hard as he looked down to the floor

 

_"Are you ashamed of me Park Jihoon?"_

 

Jihoon didn't answer with words, he answered with his lips. No longer caring about the passing bodies on the streets, the world disappeared, it was just him and the boy he loved, cupping Guanlin's face for a slow and chaste kiss, pouring his whole heart, soul, and passion into the kiss, melting in Guanlin's hold, feeling the younger's shoulders relax. _This was it,_ publicly showing his boyfriend off, his heart was racing, pace only quickening with every sigh, every push, every tug, dragging his tongue along Guanlin's soft lips, swallowing down the groan the taller boy choked out, holding Jihoon close. Because they were perfect like this, in each other's hold, finally pulling apart to see a few people standing, shocked. Their expression's didn't baffle or scare Jihoon, knowing just exactly how disgusted they were. 

 

But in the moment, everything, everyone around them was blurred out, it was just him and Guanlin, staring deep into Guanlin's large eyes, seeing them shine from becoming watery, eyes trained down towards his slicked, swollen lips, following them back up to his boyfriend's eyes

 

_"I'm ashamed of many things Lai Guanlin, yet you will never manage to be one of them"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALALAL IM SVREAMIFNNF SO KCUCHCHCH OK ILL UPDATE SOON MY TWT IS @guanlinsjihoon BSJSJAJS


	6. liar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONFDKSK SORRY FOR DYING HAD A SOCIAL N SCHOLAR LIFE BUT IM BACCCKK AND DAILY UPDATES WILL BE BACK OGNFKDD JINHWI ANGST N FLUFF AND PANWINK ANGST DHSJAJS PLEADEEE KUDOS BOOKMARK FOR UPDATES AND LEAVE FEEDBACK PLEALSLSKE MY TWT IS @guanlinsjihoon IF U WANNA YELL AT ME!!

“You know what’s disgusting?” Guanlin spoke out loud, head laid out on Jihoon’s chest as the elder played with his hair, “what?”

 

”The fact that you used to like women, especially when someone as handsome like myself was breathing in front of you. I thought something was wrong with you when you didn’t fall in love with me at first sight-“ To think something smart would come out of the younger’s mouth, groaning as he rolled his eyes, flicking the Taiwanese boy’s head, “you called me feisty and said I was ‘tiger hyung’ when we first met, I _don’t_ think that was exactly supposed to make me fall in love with you...”

 

 

Sheepishly smiling up at his boyfriend, Guanlin traced his fingers over Jihoon’s face, wide grin plastered on his face, “you fuckface, you thought I was some pervert back then!” 

 

 

“Because you were in some security room watching me dance! You were so mean to me, I hate you..” the smaller boy pouted, not affecting Guanlin in any way who rolled his eyes before pressing his lips onto his boyfriend’s lips. It’d been nearly three days since Daehwi practically moved in with them in order to avoid Jinyoung, and ever since he’s been staying over, Guanlin and Jihoon barely had any opportunities to be intimate, not wanting their friend to be upset, “I’m worried about Daehwi, you know those two are insperable, sooner or later they’ll have to cut the crap and talk it out,” Jihoon sighed, pressing his face against Guanlin’s hand, lashes fluttering against his skin

 

 

”Hmm, true, but Jinyoung did fuck up, and he still hasn’t come to collect or reconcile with Daehwi..” Guanlin shrugged, grazing his fingers over his boyfriend’s lips, licking his own at the sight. Perhaps Jihoon’s lips became an addiction to him, _at least_ it wasn’t a drug addiction 

 

 

“I want them to make up, but I don’t know where we stand in the situation, it’s not our business and I don’t want to meddle myself into someone else’s problems, but they’re our best friends, shouldn’t we help?” Jihoon spoke softly, nuzzling his face against the taller boy’s cheek, feeling Guanlin knaw at the contact, “hmm, I think we should just let them solve it and...” the boy stopped to lift Jihoon onto his lap, “and I think we should just make out, like _forever_ ”

 

 

 

Jihoon rolled his eyes at the younger boy, but eventually smiled, kissing him anyways _because Guanlin was irresistible and pretty cute_  

 

+

 

 

If Daehwi were to describe the past three days, only the world miserable would come to measure. Except he felt worse, he felt empty and he longed for Jinyoung and missed having his boyfriend by his side. He missed having someone so close to you where you wanted to hold them forever, that feeling that became nearly a craving and an addiction 

 

 

To say the least, he was disappointed as well, in a matter of three days, yet no sign of Bae Jinyoung, the boy never called again or texted him. 

 

 

_Was he that easy to forget?_

 

 

Probably, since the boy who claimed to have loved Daehwi with his all, constantly reminding him of how ‘important’ and ‘valued’ he was, that same boy was the one who didn’t care to check up on him. And it hurt Daehwi like hell

 

 

_”Sometimes I wish I could give you the world...” Jinyoung whispered in a low voice, carding his fingers through Daehwi’s hair, softly pressing a peck onto his head, “if I had the ability to give you everything you’ve ever wanted, I really would, just to see you smile everyday, because I feel like you won’t be happy with me all the time-“_

 

 

_It’s a huge insecurity of Jinyoung’s, the constant fear that Daehwi might one day grow tired of him. Daehwi was bright, he invited and engulfed everyone with his charming charismatic aura, whereas Jinyoung was dull and quiet most of the time, their personalities were nearly opposite, yet Daehwi claimed to never get tired, “are you kidding me? Of course there’ll be times where the both of us won’t be happy, relationships aren’t the perfect ideal picture Jinyoungie...but we need to make that picture perfect-“ Daehwi stopped to look up at his boyfriend, taking his hands into his_

 

 

_Such a perfect fit_

 

 

_“On some days you may be moody, I may be tired, that doesn’t mean our relationship will take into affect, it’s those little things that build our relationship, we aren’t robots, we experience things differently..Throughout it all I’ll always still choose you to be with dummy,” Daehwi stopped to giggle, earning a kiss from Jinyoung, who also had a small smile playing on his lips_

 

 

 

_Daehwi even shone under the darkness of their room_

 

 

 

_“I’ve had the biggest fattest crush on you ever since you taught me how to scan items, I literally idolized you, and look at us now! I get to kiss the boy I love everyday, and I’m happy with you, that won’t change anytime soon, don’t you ever forget that” Daehwi reminded, a small pout playing on his lips, the same pout Jinyoung grew to fall in love with, letting his hands fall onto his boyfriend’s waist, nuzzling his head into Daehwi’s chest_

 

 

_”You’re the most important person in my life right now Daehwi, you make everyday worth waking up for, and I’m so glad you’re mine, and I hope it stays that way”_

 

 

Daehwi didn’t realize the stream of tears that spilled down his cheeks until the warm droplets seeped through his pants and until he felt someone shake his body, Guanlin

 

 

Guanlin watched the blonde boy shake, not aware of the way he was crying, and although he felt awkward in the situation, he felt pitiful overall. He couldn’t imagine how Daehwi was feeling when he himself couldn’t bear being apart from Jihoon

 

”Daehwi...you’ve been crying nonstop, you might as well fill up the Atlantic Ocean!” Guanlin lightheartedly laughed, attempting to joke intending to make the situation light. Clearly Daehwi wasn’t amused, instead staring at Guanlin, before crying more 

 

 

 _Fuck, Jihoon would know what to do in a situation like this,_ Guanlin thought as he was shit at comforting 

 

 

“H-He’s such a prick! Not even o-one not even one call or text!” the blonde beliwered, throwing his head onto Guanlin’s shoulder, “not even one text, he doesn’t l-love me, or c-care about me!” the boy whispered in a ragged hushed tone, a lump forming in his throat 

 

 

“Don’t say that Daehwi, everyone knows just how much Jinyoung loves you, but I agree he’s a piece of shit for the lack of trying..” Guanlin tried to reason, “how would you feel if Jihoon hyung ignored you in front of all his friends, not even introducing you as friend, but a co-worker, and then not checking up on you for days?” Daehwi furiously wiped his tears away, straightening his posture 

 

 

Guanlin would lose his mind if Jihoon ever pulled anything like that, but unlike Daehwi, Guanlin wasn’t as sensitive and would share his piece of mind, but for now Guanlin stayed shut, keeping his opinions to himself, “I’d be very upset, and we all see that he’s wrong for not coming around, but if you both love each other- if you love him a lot, why not be the be the bigger person and find out for yourself? You can’t mope around everyday, you deserve answers, and if he won’t come around to tell you, then _you_ go and find out,” Guanlin spoke up, noticing the way Daehwi’s expression shifted from an upset one to a concentrated one

 

 

 _Maybe his inspirational advice might work on Daehwi,_ Guanlin prayed 

 

 

”No I can’t”

 

”Honestly fuck you”

 

 

+

 

“You look like shit, why the fuck haven’t you and Daehwi come to work for three days?” Donghan, another co-worker of Jinyoung’s bluntly spoke as soon as he entered the break room

 

 

Ignoring the obvious fact that he looked like crap, his attention diverted to the mentioning of Daehwi. Had he not come to work as well? 

 

 

“Shit...” Jinyoung muttered in realization, mentally cursing himself for being a careless person, for avoiding Daehwi, for not making any efforts to get back the boy who makes him the happiest, but he pushed him away, “what..?” Donghan asked, clearly confused by Jinyoung’s lack of response 

 

“Daehwi hasn’t come in at all?” Jinyoung asked instead of answering Donghan’s question, making Donghan roll his eyes, “ _rude..._ and no he hasn’t come in at all, not even today, shouldn’t you know what your boyfriend’s up to?” the taller boy raised his brows, staring down Jinyoung. More news that made Jinyoung freeze, _how the hell did he know that him and Daehwi were dating_

 

 

“W-What? Boyfriend? Yah! He’s not my boyf-“

 

 

”Shut the fuck up Baejin, you don’t think I know you bought flowers from our store and had it delivered to Daehwi for your ‘one month anniversary?’ Besides you two never stop shamelessly flirting...” Donghan stated in a ‘matter of fact’ tone, eyes bored as he spoke 

 

 

But what threw Jinyoung off more was the fact that Donghan wasn’t bothered, he knew they were dating, and there were no signs of disgust, “y-you aren't  d-disgusted?” Jinyoung stuttered, gaping at the taller boy 

 

 

Donghan let out an airy laugh, “I am disgusted, it’s annoying hearing you guys flirt like 12 year olds, but on a serious note, _no_ what the fuck? Why would I be disgusted? You guys like each other, there’s nothing wrong with that, besides, Daehwi’s a cute one, even I’d be head over heels for him-“

 

Jinyoung ignored the pant of guilt and jealously in his chest as soon as Donghan spoke those words, because he was highly possessive of Daehwi, and even though he appreciated people praising his boyfriend, he was still jealous and only claimed Daehwi as his

 

 

”He is the most amazing thing that’s happened to me, and I just fucked it up...” Jinyoung whispered the last part, gulping down the regret and guilt welling up inside him

 

 

_How could he treat Daehwi so poorly?_

 

 

”You fuckhead, what’re you doing? Go clean up your mess before I scoop Daehwi-“ Donghan teased, making Jinyoung shoot a glare at him, “I’m kidding, but I know how madly in love Daehwi is with you, so whatever happened between you two, you should take action quickly before you start to lose him from your grip...”

 

 

_He was right, Jinyoung couldn’t let Daehwi slip away from him_

 

+

 

Jinyoung didn’t know where to begin, or how to approach Daehwi, becaus he simply couldn’t face the boy he’s been avoiding for three days, and no one would take back someone so careless

 

But it wasn’t intentional, Jinyoung was afraid, lost hope that Daehwi would even want to stay with him after poor treatment, for casting him away when all Daehwi deserved was to be shown off. Daehwi deserved to be shown off like the bright star he was, he deserved to be kissed on the lit up streets of Seoul

 

 

_Except Daehwi was brighter than any city light_

 

 

So when Jinyoung returned to his apartment with a heavy heart, he didn’t expect to see Lee Daehwi sat on the steps with a frown. Even with the frown he looked so ethereal, and it broke Jinyoung knowing he was behind that sad plaster. Daehwi should be smiling all the time, he looks the prettiest when he was happy. He hadn’t realized how dry his throat had become, or how frozen his body was, unable to make a single movement because Lee Daehwi was just a few feet away from him, yet it felt like he was a thousand miles away from him. He felt so disconnected 

 

 

“D-Daehwi...” the elder breathed out after what felt like an eternity, slowly approaching the boy, startling the blonde who quickly looked up upon the voice he loved the most. Jinyoung swore he felt his heart crack and sink more after his eyes fell upon Daehwi’s beautiful face, the same eyes that held a glint of brightness were now bloodshot, most likely from crying 

 

 

 _I made my baby cry,_ Jinyoung thought, heart sinking

 

 

Jinyoung remembers the first time he saw Daehwi cry. He never wanted to see that ever again, he never wanted Daehwi to suffer a single moment of sadness, the boy deserved absolutely all the happiness in the world, and if Jinyoung could, he’d steal all the stars in the sky to give them to Daehwi, _but he’ll always be the brightest star amongst them_

 

 

 

”J-Jinyou-“ Daehwi croaked out, not even being able to finish his word before he felt more tears well in his eyes. Because Jinyoung was right in front of him, and all he wanted was to be held by the boy he felt the most comfort in, but he couldn’t. Like they say, so close but so far away

 

 

”Daehwi, baby please don’t cry, I can’t even say s-sorry-“ Jinyoung stopped as he felt the lump in his throat continuously grow, warily moving his hand towards Daehwi’s waist, bringing the boy closer to his chest, “no sorry could make up for how I’ve treated you, nothing will come close to earning your forgiveness, because I hurt the most special person to me. I hurt the boy I value the most, the boy who makes me smile during the lowest of times, just you existing makes me at ease, yet I pushed you away like a coward. I don’t deserve you-“

 

 

Daehwi felt his heart clench, gripping onto Jinyoung’s waist, inhaling sharply as the tears slipped down his cheek, breathing heavily when he felt Jinyoung softly wipe his tears away, before caressing cheeks, “shh, I know I made you sad, I can’t bear seeing you cry, I can’t bear seeing your pretty face wear a frown instead of that beautiful smile that never fails to make me warm, Daehwi I’m such a fuck up, I’m so stupid. I treated you like I was ashamed of you, and the last thing you have ever made me feel was a disgrace. I’m proud of you, I’m proud of us, I’m proud of how far we’ve come, I love everything about you, there’s nothing I would change about you or about us. I’m sorry I made you feel neglected, or hidden, you’re a gem, a gem I always want to protect and keep, and I’m so fucking-“

 

 

Instead of letting the elder continue, Daehwi stopped by placing a finger on Jinyoung’s lips, shaking his head, “Bae Jinyoung I know how madly in love you are with me, I just wish you made better choices, I just wish you didn’t make me feel like a mistake, or that you were embarrassed of me. You couldn’t even introduce me as your friend, really? That’s what hurt the most I think. Not getting a single call or message didn’t matter, the fact that you introduced me in such a foreign way, I felt isolated, I felt like a stranger to you...” the blonde spoke sadly, voice croaking as the words spilled out his mouth. He spoke nothing but honesty, and Jinyoung couldn’t believe this was the boy he neglected 

 

 

“You’re all I thought about these past few days, you’re all I always think about. I’m sorry, I’m sorry that’s all I could say, you’re the first serious relationship I’ve been in, and I cherish you so much, but you’re just so, you’re just so incredible you deserve better, the best which I can’t provide, so I thought you’d leave me, and forget, I’m so sorry I’m a coward-“

 

 

The fact that he made Daehwi feel like a stranger, when in fact the boy was the closest thing he had, the person he’d practically do anything for, go through any measures for, was the same boy he couldn’t even introduce as a friend. So Daehwi did have every right to be upset, and Jinyoung wondered how Lee Daehwi could be so cam, how he could be so beautiful 

 

 

And so Jinyoung did exactly what he felt was necessary, no longer caring about the outside world, or his insecurities and doubts, because Daehwi made up for everything, and Lee Daehwi would always outweigh the negativity. No words were exchanged, grabbing the blonde’s hand as he dragged him through the lobby, ignoring Daehwi’s questions 

 

 

“Jinyoung what are you doing-“ Daehwi stopped as soon as a boy opened the door, and he immediately recognized the boy as one of Jinyoung’s friends from the previous nights. But Daehwi was still confused to why Jinyoung ignored him and dragged him to his friend’s apartment, “Jinyoung what brings you here?” the boy asked in a confused questioning tone, scratching at the nape of his neck, eyeing Daehwi

 

 

Under his friend’s gaze, Daehwi felt insecure, slowly pulling his hand out of Jinyoung’s before he felt Jinyoung tug at his hand, instead holding them tighter. It threw Daehwi off, because he could’ve sworn this was the same boy who avoided eye contact with him in front of his friends, yet now he was holding his hand? 

 

 

“I’m gonna be straight up and honest. Last time I introduced this boy in an improper way, so here I go again, redeeming myself. This is Lee Daehwi, a co-worker of mine, _and_ my boyfriend” 

 

 

Daehwi felt the world stop, thinking his ears had deceived him as the words fell out of Bae Jinyoung’s mouth so smoothly, pinching himself to see if he was experiencing a dream. But he wasn’t, this was reality, and he’d just been introduced as Jinyoung’s boyfriend by none other than Bae Jinyoung himself

 

 

Instead of any questions or comments, Jinyoung’s friend began laughing, “that’s a funny joke, I know you’d never do those disgusting things. Stop fucking with me and leave I have a girl coming over later-“ the boy tried waving Jinyoung off. And it made Jinyoung boil with anger, because coming out to his friend was something that wasn’t light, nor a joke. “This isn’t a joke. I am gay, and this is my boyfriend.” Jinyoung spoke sternly, shoulders growing stuff, as he felt Daehwi wrap his hand around his own tighter to calm him down 

 

 

“Jinyoung, stop screwing around it’s not a funny joke anymore, get lost”

 

So Jinyoung let go of Daehwi’s hand, surprising himself and Daehwi, doing whatever his heart guided, as he pressed his lips onto Daehwi’s hearing the blonde gasp in shock, “do you believe me now?”

 

”You ever fucking come here with yourself and your little fag toy here, I swear to god-“ the boy pushed Jinyoung against the wall, fisting at his collar, before Daehwi pushed him off, “don’t ever talk to me”

 

 

It hurt not being accepted, but it felt good knowing his friend’s true colors, and who were real and who were vile. “Jinyoung, y-you didn’t have to do that, lose a friend because of m-me-“

 

 

Connecting his lips back onto Daehwi’s, shutting him up, before softly kissing his boyfriend. He missed this, he missed feeling the warmth of shock in his body when he held onto his boyfriend, missed the sweet homely feeling whenever Daehwi's soft lips were pressed against his, nothing compared to the desire of having Daehwi so close he was nearly glued

 

Instead of protesting, Daehwi let his shoulders relax, angling his chin to let Jinyoung kiss him deeper, shyly letting his hands card through his boyfriend’s hair, letting out a small sigh when the elder caressed his cheeks so gently, grazing his thumbs over Daehwi’s cheeks

 

 _”I love you so much, I’d lose anything to have you by my side...”_ Jinyoung whispered into Daehwi’s mouth, hearing Daehwi whimper in response, pushing against his body further. Because he’s never felt more safe in his life than the way he did in Jinyoung’s arms. Nothing mattered, it was them against the world full of hate 

 

 

“Don’t you ever push me away like that, I felt so alone and hurt and I just wanna be held by you all the time,” Daehwi spoke just above a whisper, as Jinyoung pressed light kisses against his temple, smothering his boyfriend’s whole face with pecks of soft kisses

 

_”I’ll never let go of the brightest star in my life”_

 

+

 

”Guanlin this is fucking disgusting” Jihoon whined as Guanlin dragged him behind the dumpster, only under a dim light, “it smells like ass”

 

 

”Are you saying you smell like the dumpster, Park Jihoon?” Guanlin slyly remarked with a stupid grin, raising his brows, “you’re literally garbage Guanlin, why’re we even here?” the boy impatiently asked, pinching at the bridge of his nose from the horrifying stench 

 

 

Before replying, Guanlin pulled out a small bottle, spraying it, “there we go...now it doesn’t smell like Park Jihoon-“ the boy spoke out loud, earning a smack from Jihoon, “and we’re here because I have a sudden temptation to kiss you really badly but I can’t in front of those old bastards, sorry prioritized, you know” the Taiwanese boy grinned proudly, as if he’d just said the most logical answer. Jihoon could only gape at him, staring in disbelief, “you’re seriou-“

 

 

Without given the opportunity to swear at the taller boy, Guanlin’s lips were on his, and suddenly he forgot about all the profanities he had in mind. Suddenly he forgot the nasty dumpster beside them, knawing at Guanlin’s touch, as his hands fell below the younger’s waist, pulling him closer 

 

“This is so stupid..” Jihoon whispered into Guanlin’s mouth, feeling the younger smack his back in response, “shut the fuck up before I throw up in your mouth”

 

”Ew! What the fuck Guanlin?” Jihoon quickly pulled away, seeing Guanlin’s eyes widen before bursting into loud laughter, “dumbass I wasn’t actually going to throw up in your mouth, oh my god-“ 

 

 

“You son of a bit-“ 

 

 

“Curse me out later baby, I only want this lips open for my mouth as of now...” Guanlin smirked before leaning in to reconnect their lips, softly stroking his boyfriend’s cheeks, always playing with his cheekbones, “I love your chubby cheeks, don’t ever lose them-“ Guanlin whispered in Jihoon’s mouth, earning a giggle from the elder, “I don’t think I’ll lose anything when I have you feeding me buffets everyday”

 

 

With a small hum, Guanlin traced his fingers down his boyfriend’s cheeks, tilting his jaw for better access, swiping his tongue against the elders bottom lip, swallowing down the sigh he’d let out, “good, I’m onto you Park Jihoon” Guanlin smiled, letting his tongue explore Jihoon’s sweet mouth, nearly lifting the boy in the process from how lost he was into the kiss

 

And it made Jihoon warm, the fact that Guanlin didn’t want Jihoon to change. Unlike his mom, who’d always wish for him to have a more ‘manly’ body saying he looked to ‘feminine’ and that girls wouldn’t like him, Guanlin loved every inch of him. Guanlin appreciated every flaw of his, Guanlin made it easy and prideful to love and be comfortable in his own skin, and that’s why he adored his boyfriend the most, giggling when he felt Guanlin kiss at the side of his chin

 

”Your mole is cute,” Guanlin murmured with a stupid grin, pressing multiple kisses onto his cheek, causing Jihoon’s stomach to flutter in a warm and fuzzy way, erupting into more giggles, “I swear you love and notice the most stupid things about me..”

 

”Well you are stupid as a whole regardless...” the younger joked, cupping Jihoon’s cheeks as his lips made its way to flutter against his skin, pressing gentle kisses, making Jihoon smile brightly 

 

“Stupid...let’s get out of this nasty place and buy the groceries like we were supposed to an hour ago!” Jihoon pulled away, tip toeing to press his nose against Guanlin’s both of them grinning widely at one another, finding it hard to resist Guanlin’s swollen lips, pressing a short sweet and chaste kiss for a final time, “I love you dummy” Jihoon whispered against Guanlin’s mouth

 

”I love me more”

 

”You’re so annoying”

 

+

 

Grocery shopping with Guanlin was a terrible idea, nearly being kicked out as the boy kept lifting Jihoon up and placing him in the cart

 

”Guanlin I’m gonna break your fucking face with a soju bottle” Jihoon threatened when the younger kept dumping everything from the aisle into the cart, “I love when you talk dirty Park Jihoon” the younger joked, making kissy faces at him

 

”Guanlin-“

 

”Jihoon?” a female voice spoke behind him, a very familiar female voice. Turning around at the call, he was face to face with his mother, and his father after many months. It’s not that he didn’t want to see his parents, it’s that he didn’t want to see his parents with Guanlin by his side, shutting his eyes before he took a deep breath 

 

“E-Eomma, a-appa...” Jihoon plastered a forced smile, palms becoming sweaty as Guanlin was still at the end of the aisle. He wanted to run away from the situation 

 

 

“Jihoon, sweethea-“ Guanlin’s voice was heard from the back, eyes widening as Jihoon quickly turned around to shut the younger up before he’d say anything further, “is this a friend of yours Jihoon?” his mother asked, tilting her head to have a better view of Guanlin

 

 

Jihoon felt dizzy and nauseous. His mother knew he liked boys, but she never knew Guanlin was the boy. She never accepted him and he knows she never will, currently she thinks her son is over that ‘phase’ currently his mother thinks Jihoon’s dating a girl, and that’s exactly why he wanted to escape from the situation 

 

 

“I’m Jihoon’s-“ Before Guanlin could respond, Jihoon quickly cut him off. The younger was told that Jihoon’s parents knew about their relationship, but Jihoon was lying. He protected his image, and in order to do so, he lied about them, only to comfort Guanlin, “he’s my friend, my good f-friend” Jihoon gulped down, a lump forming in his throat, growing anxious from the situation 

 

Guanlin nudged him, staring down at him confusedly, with a glint of anger in his eyes as well. Jihoon was just waiting for everything to fall apart again, “oh...I don’t see my own son around anymore, don’t you want to visit us? We’d love to meet that girl you were talking about Jihoon-ah,” his mother smiled, whilst his dad stayed mute behind her, eyeing down Guanlin

 

”Oh, Jihoon hyung’s got a girlfriend huh? And you didn’t tell me?” Guanlin perked up, speaking in a bittersweet tone, and it scared Jihoon. It scared him so much, he felt his heart ready to burst out his chest, “yah you rascal! Should’ve told me...” the boy laughed, as Jihoon exhaled sharply, knowing he’s upset Guanlin, like he’s always done

 

 

”Hmm, I won’t believe you have a girlfriend until I see one Park Jihoon,” his father spoke up after a while, the first time in months he’s heard his voice after his surgery

 

But his attention and heart and mind was only focused on Lai Guanlin. There was no girl, never will be, Guanlin was the one, and he’s sure he’s about to lose the one thing that meant the most to him who kept him sane and loved. And the next words that Guanlin spoke before turning his heel answered everything 

 

 

_“Yeah Park Jihoon, quit being a liar and show us your girlfriend”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHROSJSKDJDKD PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK ONCE AGAIN MY TWT IS @guanlinsjihoon


	7. words i never said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just read and keep some tissues this was the last chap thank u for supporting this series it means a lot i’ll be updating my other fics please leave comments bookmark and kudos they help me a lot ! :) my twt is @guanlinsjihoon

Maybe Jihoon realized sooner that his heart was beating the same way it should’ve beat for a girl, except it was for a boy. Except Jihoon’s heart never raced for a girl. Maybe he just never wanted to accept it, maybe reality would be his worst nightmare and _it was_  

 

 

_"Lai Guanlin, 17, and not full of shit, remember the name the next time you move those hips to my melodies"_

 

 

Jihoon vividly remembers the words being thrown at him the first time he encountered Lai Guanlin, a wide smirk plastered on the pale boy’s face. Maybe it was then that Jihoon found Guanlin attractive, but does love at first sight really exist? It doesn’t. Not everyone was fortunate enough, most being deceived by what we perceive versus reality 

 

 

Perhaps Jihoon felt something weird in his stomach when his best friend came out to him, the words that slipped out Daehwi’s mouth. The words that changed his attitude, that love doesn’t have to be between a girl and boy, anyone can fall in love, it was that powerful 

 

_“I like a boy”_

 

Four simple words that struck behind Jihoon’s mind, not realizing that one day _he too_ would feel the same way. Ever since he was a child, all he was raised and taught to believe was that love was only and strictly between man and woman. He was taught to love a girl one day too, always pressured into finding a girlfriend. But he just never was interested, it never meant he was different. It just meant he wasn’t ready, he never found the person who made his heart stutter

 

 

_"And what the fuck's up with whole princess nickname crap? He's so irritating, I just wanna slap that stupid smirk off his stupid handsome face"_

 

 

Jihoon recalls the first time he ever admitted to calling Lai Guanlin handsome, stopping on his tracks. He barely called girls pretty, yet here he was, calling the boy he dreaded _attractive_. He remembers stomping out of the restaurant, his favorite beef bulgogi in his hands, dragging his feet along the pavement angrily, muttering profanities and then his thoughts went straight to Guanlin’s beautiful face.

 

 

_Nothing’s changed, Guanlin would always be beautiful_

 

 

Yet throughout everything, till this day Jihoon could never forgive himself for most regretful words he’d let himself voice, heart pounding each time from the dreadful memory, constantly ruining him

 

 

_"What the fuck? Don't joke like that, what are you a gay faggot or something?"_

 

 

Some things could never be taken back. Words could never be taken back, and it’s always important to think before you speak, think before _who_ you speak to. The person Jihoon had disrespected became the most important person in his life in the short span of time he’s never even managed to build such trust with his own parents. Guanlin paved his way into Jihoon’s life and it was the most beautiful thing in the world. 

 

 

_"You're so fucking annoying and you piss me off so much but you're cute"_

 

Guanlin thought Jihoon was sound asleep, but he clearly remembers hearing the words being softly whispered into his face, soft breaths warming over his face, fluttering over Jihoon’s lashes. Did Jihoon want to reach out and kiss Guanlin? Who knew, not even he himself knew, it was too early to catch feelings, yet his stomach fluttered upon hearing the words, should his heart have fluttered? Was it normal for a boy to call him cute, was it normal for his breath to hitch ever so quietly in secrecy because Lai Guanlin complimented him? Probably not, _yet it did_

 

 

From an early stage, something about Guanlin always drew Jihoon in, whether it be negative or positive, Guanlin always had him wrapped around his fingers, _and now all Jihoon could wish was that he never let go_

 

 

_"Eat with me, I don't wanna be lonely"_

 

 

 

Guanlin didn't want to be alone while he ate, Jihoon shouldn’t have blushed, his grip on the counter shouldn’t have tightened because his heart felt like it was nearly about to burst. But now Jihoon was the who was alone

 

 

Jihoon remembers the way he shamelessly danced gracefully to Guanlin’s pieces, wondering how someone so shitty could play so effortlessly and beautifully. How someone so young could hold such melodies at the tip of his fingers, sometimes Jihoon wished he had praised the boy, but the was in the past

 

 

_"And I'd appreciate it if you weren't so close to my face, princess, like I said if you want a kiss so badly you could just ask, I know my charms are hard to resist"_

 

 

 

The he first time Jihoon didn’t care about his dignity, losing all his confidence and hope, head down as he asked Guanlin for a favor. The question he now regrets asking, because they wouldn't have been here today. The way Guanlin kept calling Jihoon princess in a way to mock him, _although_ Jihoon expressed anger, the way he felt on the inside said something different. Or how comfortably Guanlin joked about kissing him, and if it was the most normal thing to do. Jihoon soon learned kissing Guanlin was extremely normal, and the _best part_ of normal, and if it wasn’t normal, then fuck it. Guanlin was everything he wanted

 

 

A simple agreement that changed everything, leading to self discovery and struggles Jihoon never thought he’d be challenged. He remembers collapsing on the floor with tears because he felt so useless, he remembers being so desperate towards Guanlin, the only thing he received was rejection. Until Guanlin changed his mind 

 

 

 _"Yes, but on one_ _condition"_

 

 

 

Those few words Jihoon never understood would have such a twisted meaning and favor asking behind it. A condition Jihoon grew to love and it was so bittersweet, but so beautiful. Jihoon didn’t know back then the trouble he had set himself up for

 

 

_"So you'll be my fake boyfriend if I play the piano for free at your stupid dance showcase, right?_

 

_"Yeah, it's a deal"_

 

 

A deal that never stayed as one. A deal that grew into something much more deeper and painful than Jihoon had ever expected. A deal that made Jihoon realize what love was and what it felt like to lose someone so dear to you

 

 

_"Shut up, just knock next time, hopefully there isn't a next time I have to see you"_

 

 

Ironic how both of them never stayed true to those words, how both deep down wanted nothing more than to be around one another throughout each passing day. Jihoon realized just how much he was hip to hip with Guanlin soon enough, and how badly he wanted that to remain. Guanlin made him feel nervous, Guanlin made him feel like shit, he made him jittery, but he also made his heart race like no one else ever has

 

 

 

_"Anyways, down to business, we need to discuss how we met, how you fell for me and started drooling over me and basically stalked me until I agreed to go on a date with you"_

 

 

 

Back then Jihoon may have protested against Guanlin, baffled at how ridiculous Guanlin’s proposal and idea was. But soon he realized a part of it was true. Because somehow without knowing or being aware, Jihoon was the first to fall for Guanlin in ways he never realized he was close to hitting rock bottom. Back then Jihoon may have laughed at Guanlin for saying something so obscure, but now his words were on Guanlin’s side, proving the younger right. Jihoon definitely fell for Guanlin first 

 

 

_"Fall in love with your smile? You have an ass scowl on your face everytime I see you"_

 

Soon Jihoon realized that Guanlin’s smile was the brightest aspect of his life that made everyday worth waking up for. The pure innoncence behind Guanlin was what drew him in, the younger may have had a sharp tongue, but his smile spoke something else. His smile was inviting, Guanlin was everything but nasty when he smiled, he smiled like it was his last. His smile made Jihoon’s heart flutter, made his throat go dry because how was someone so exceptionally gorgeous, words couldn’t fathom

 

 

Jihoon remembers the first time he held Guanlin’s hand, the first thought racing to his mind was how their hands fit _so_ perfectly together. How his small cold hands were engulfed by Guanlin’s warmer ones, fingers slipping through perfectly closing any gap between their hands, the warmth making his heart race once again. Jihoon never would’ve believed such a small contact and gesture could drive his mind crazy, how his heart jumped at a rate so fast for another boy 

 

Jihoon ignored the way his other palm began sweating, he tried to ignore the small grin on Guanlin’s eyes as the boy examined their intertwined fingers. Did Guanlin feel the same way? No, of course not, especially when Jihoon himself didn’t know what his own heart felt. But he told himself Guanlin liked it, and maybe he did back then

 

 

 

_"Don't freak out? This is my first time kissing anyone! Make that a boy too!"_

 

 

His first kiss. His first kiss that was with a boy. Back then he may have felt dizzy, but now he realized that his lips only belonged to Guanlin’s. Nothing felt more right

 

 

His body always shivered tracing back to the way Guanlin gently held his small figure in his arms, softly pressing his lips onto his. Jihoon remembers shutting his eyes, getting lost into the kiss he should’ve pulled away from, but his body made no intention to break apart. For those seconds the world stopped, just his racing heart

 

 

_"Was that okay?"_

 

Was the first question Guanlin whispered in the gentlest of tones, staring deeply into Jihoon’s eyes after his lips detached from his cheek, the soft brush of contact making his breath hitch in his throat. Back then Jihoon talked tall, rushed and blinked pretending to not care. Back then Jihoon couldn’t tell apart from his beating heart or the thoughts clouding his mind telling him kissing another boy was _so_ wrong, but he wished he voiced his true feelings. He wished he told Guanlin that he wanted to kiss him again, he wished he could’ve told the boy it was the softest and most warm he’s felt in a while, he wish he was able to say all the things he never did. He wished he could’ve followed his heart, grabbing Guanlin’s face and pulling him in corn another kiss, because he’s never felt so free, never enjoyed something so much in a while 

 

 

_"Oh uhm, are you comfortable with me kissing you?“_

 

 

Another question Guanlin had asked that made Jihoon’s heart soften. Was he comfortable? His mind told him no, but the way he felt weak at knees, the way his lips screamed for and craved to finally feel Guanlin’s on his own spoke something completely different. Jihoon was comfortable, he was just raised to think otherwise 

 

 

Sometimes Jihoon wondered if he would have felt the same fluttering way if his lips were on a girl’s, but then again it really didn’t matter if it be girl or boy, it’s the warmth and craving that made up for whatever his mind clotted against 

 

 

 

"She's perfectly fine, I'm hard to resist Jihoonie, soon you'll be in her position"

 

 

 

Jihoon remembers the first time the two went out to eat, Jihoon trying his best to keep his cool, pretending to forget that Lai Guanlin’s lips were on his own just minutes ago. Jihoon recalls the waitress ogling over Guanlin, maybe back then he hadn’t realized the small spark of jealously that ignited through his body when he slightly grew possessive of Guanlin without realizing, but now he was sure it was jealousy. Jihoon didn’t want anyone else besides himself to fondle over the boy he’d just shared a kiss with

 

 

Jihoon also couldn’t deny Guanlin’s statement. Because sooner or later, Jihoon was in her exact position, and Guanlin was in fact hard to resist, everything Guanlin spoke back then were laughable to Jihoon, but now they were a burning reality snapping at him

 

 

 

_"Because I don't want to look you in the eye"_

 

 

 

Jihoon remembers himself saying as he was being teased by Guanlin for not being able to look him in the eye. Truthfully Jihoon couldn’t bring himself to hold eye contact with Guanlin, everytime they shared a simple glance, Jihoon felt his cheeks heat up, felt the beating of heart pick up again, everything fell into place. He always felt like it was just the two of them, and that’s something he didn’t want, he didn’t want to become lost and repulsive to his actions

 

 

_Because every time Jihoon looked into Guanlin’s eyes, he was afraid he kept falling  
_

 

 

Jihoon remembers falling insecure as soon as his food was in front of him, shocking Guanlin as well. He lost his appetite so quick. Most of the time the boy teased him, only joking, so when Guanlin spoke with sincere and delicate eyes, Jihoon felt everything being lifted off his shoulders 

 

_“Trust me when I say you're not fat, people who say that to you are jealous because you have something they're missing.”_

 

Jihoon wanted to run away, yet he wanted to stay right there, let some tears slip because those words were genuine. Guanlin meant everything he said, and Jihoon felt himself believing them as well. The younger’s large eyes didn’t hold any glint of humor or teasing, it’s when Jihoon’s throat became dry again 

 

 

_“Nah, Jihoon's straight too"_

 

 

After many encounters with Lai Guanlin, hearing about his sexuality out loud made his ears perk up, heart jolting. Jen shouldn’t have wanted to protest, shouldn’t have wanted to say something different when Jinyoung spoke, because he was straight, right? Why did he want to say something else, that maybe he was slowly diverting into Guanlin’s lane, that he didn’t know whether he’d feel this way for a girl anytime soon. 

 

 

Jihoon recalls how insecure he’d been of his body, an issue he never was able to get out of his head. Even till this day he struggled, but Guanlin helped him feel at ease, slowly accepting all his flaws

 

 

_”And cute stomach"_

 

 

Guanlin grinned as he barged into the bathroom without a warning. Back then Jihoon wouldn’t have said his true feelings, but for once someone complimented the part of his body he hated the most, someone found his stomach cute? Was it weird? Was it weird that Jihoon’s head began spinning, stomach tingling from happiness he never displayed. Such short and curt responses Guanlin spoke that made Jihoon feel multiple emotions at once 

 

 

But moments after Jihoon revealed his true ugly self. He threw up his insecurites thinking it was the only best solution, but it wasn’t. He knew it wasn’t, the whole world knew it wasn’t, yet when Guanlin held him at 3am in the morning, eyes that held nothing but concern and sadness, Jihoon wanted to believe it was wrong. Jihoon wanted to believe that he could one day stop throwing up everything he ate, he wanted to feel beautiful 

 

Jihoon remembers shivering and crying into Guanlin’s arms, lips quivering from the fact that this was the harsh reality he’d made of himself, heart sinking at the fact that this was the weak person Guanlin had to witness. He felt disgusting and pathetic, he felt exposed at his lowest moments, yet Guanlin’s words always made him feel like he was at the highest, ready to overcome whatever that held him back

 

 

_"Park Jihoon, you're many things, but not disgusting and pathetic”_

 

 

And Jihoon believed him 

 

 

 

Jihoon believed him more than anything when he woke up the next morning with a beautiful Lai Guanlin laid next to him staring up in space, multiple foods in front of him. Guanlin made the effort to make sure Jihoon was eating, no one’s ever went through such extents, Jihoon didn’t know if his heart hurt or if it was beating in the way it shouldn’t have 

 

 

_"From now on, you have to do a better job at taking care of yourself better Park Jihoon, or I'll have no choice but to take care of you"_

 

 

For once Jihoon was honest at expressing his thoughts as he stopped dancing to admire Lai Guanlin who slumped at his seat, a bored expression sat behind the piano. Yet he was still so pretty, Jihoon was awestruck, the same glittery feeling arising within his body as his eyes lingered longer on the Taiwanese boy’s figure

 

 

_"It's just weird, you know? Getting used to the fact that sometimes you care about me.."_

 

To that Guanlin snorted, rolling his eyes as Jihoon tilted his head in confusion. Guanlin didn’t believe it, he knew people cared for Jihoon, but he was wrong. Jihoon’s never felt such care in such a short span of time the way he’s been treated by Guanlin. The boy made him feel less insecure, made him want to eat more, made him not regret eating instead downing it with a smile and sigh of content. Guanlin made Jihoon feel free

 

 

Jihoon was never the type to use his phone much, not one for texting, such to use it for basic uses. Yet when Guanlin and him exchanged numbers, it changed, the never ending bickering through messages managed to have Jihoon wear the smallest yet most genuine of grins, typing away 

 

 

_"Who is texting mister Park Jihoon, to cause that cheesy smile? Does my best friend have a girl perhaps?"_

 

Daehwi has grinned, while Jihoon could mentally snort. Ironic how a girl was the opposite of who Jihoon was fondling over. Jihoon was smiling because of a boy, he was smiling because this boy made him so fucking happy, half the time his heart would hurt because Guanlin's presence was a taste of happiness 

 

 

 

But Lai Guanlin wasn’t always the most strong or happy snarky person Jihoon had perceived him to be. Guanlin also had issues, he also cried, he also felt pain. Jihoon knew Guanlin did, but the boy never displayed such distraught it was hard for him to believe so when Lai Guanlin once again kissed him out of the blue as they stood alone in silence at his mother’s home

 

Back then the only thoughts circulating his mind were of how wrong it was, but once again his heart said something different. His heart wanted to burst out of his chest because the feeling took away any time of emptiness Jihoon would undergo. Back then Jihoon told Guanlin that he kissed him because he knew Guanlin was frustrated, but it was half a lie. 

 

He let Guanlin kiss him because he wanted to feel the soft pair of lips on his own, the same lips that managed to make everything okay from a simple touch

 

 

_"If you don't hate the person you are, then anyone else's opinion of you should never matter. And I could never hate the person you are, especially when you're happy with who you are"_

 

 

Jihoon hoped Guanlin believed his words, because Jihoon had never meant something more, ever

 

 

Jihoon recalls all the times Guanlin denied his gestures of caring as caring, because Guanlin was difficult. He didn’t want to admit that he actually did care for Jihoon, and sometimes it made Jihoon upset because he just wanted to know whether everything he’d be interpreting was true. Did Guanlin actually care for him the way he did?

 

And so he asked Guanlin why he cared so much, what was so special about Jihoon that Guanlin found the need to make sure he was okay and Guanlin responded 

 

 

_"Because I care about you dumbass"_

 

 

 

Once again Jihoon believed Lai Guanlin

 

 

And then the day came where Jihoon confirmed his feelings. He was falling for Lai Guanlin, a boy who made him so happy he felt like he had the world in his hands. It’s why Jihoon found himself asking his best friend the question he never thought once in his life he would care to ask 

 

 

_"How did you realize you liked boys, and how'd you cope with it?"_

 

 

 

Daehwi raised his brows in confusion, thrown off by the question, not expecting it from Jihoon of all people. Neither did Jihoon see himself ever being curious, but once Lai Guanlin entered his life, he seemed to have been questioning a lot 

 

 

But Jihoon found his answer right as Daehwi spoke the words that made him feel at ease, his nerves relaxing. Because Daehwi was right 

 

 

_"But for me, it was kind of like, 'wow I really would hold his hand and kiss him like I would with any other girl' and the thought never bothered me?”_

 

Jihoon asked himself the same question. Did it bother him? Did loving Lai Guanlin bother him? His mind said yes, but his heart and the smile on his lips said no, it didn’t bother him. Guanlin was a person who made him happy, and there was nothing wrong 

 

 

_"Sometimes I wonder if you'd treat me differently if you hadn't known I was gay"_

 

 

 

The second time Jihoon fucked up with Guanlin. All the younger boy wanted to do was comfort Jihoon, take the stress away, take him out. Yet Jihoon’s insecurities an fragile masculinity got the best of him, speaking down on Guanlin’s pure intentions 

 

Would Jihoon have had treated Guanlin differently if he didn’t know about his sexual orientation? Probably not, regardless Jihoon felt his heart wavering towards the younger boy, only sinking everyday falling towards concrete because Guanlin was becoming something he didn’t want to let go of, and maybe that was toxic for Guanlin, knowing their deal was temporary 

 

 

Throughout the confusion and downs, the way Guanlin made his heart flutter outweighed everything. Guanlin made him feel like home, made him feel like he was worth a lot, despite believing the opposite 

 

 

Of all the times they’ve kissed due to their deal, Guanlin had always initiated. So when Jihoon had another breakdown, exposed and stripped away of his true feelings in front of Lai Guanlin, he didn’t know what possessed over him to kiss Lai Guanlin from his own 

 

 

He remembers shaking and trembling from the overbearing pain, the constant feeling of only being a disappointment, but Guanlin held onto him like he was the most delicate piece of fragile glass, touched him in the gentlest of ways. How secure and safe Jihoon felt in his arms, as Guanlin whispered under the dim light 

 

 

"How can you see yourself from such a dark light, you're so..."

 

 

Jihoon never let him finish, connecting his lips onto the boy who’s been making his heart race rapidly through each passing second, roughly pushing against the boy to feel warm. Guanlin felt like the home he’s never felt love or comfort in, Guanlin made everything better, shivering as soon as Guanlin’s hands travelled down his back. Reality hit him, as Jihoon’s eyes snapped open, the spur of words that had spilled to ruin something so beautiful that could’ve begun. Because why would Guanlin kiss back just as passionately?

 

 

 

_"I'm sorry, this was a mistake"_

 

 

 

The only mistake were Jihoon’s lies. He couldn’t believe or have any trust in his own words, as much as he tried to convince himself. He was in love with Guanlin, he wanted to kiss Guanlin, there was no mistake in that, in fact nothing felt more right, Guanlin was everything he needed but lost. Jihoon still regretted those words till this day

 

 

After the dreadful days passed of no Guanlin, after the many tears, the first thing that Guanlin asked drove Jihoon crazy. He wanted to break apart from how fucked up he felt, how disgusting he felt for using Guanlin because of his emotional stress

 

 

_"Did you eat today?"_

 

 

 

It’s the first question the younger always made sure to ask, and Jihoon felt his whole world crumbling beneath him once again, how could someone so selfless exist? How’d Jihoon ever come close to deserving someone so amazing? Why was Guanlin everything he wanted and needed, but couldn’t have?

 

 

Jihoon remembers the vivid memory sat under the moon at Guanlin’s mother’s home, outside on the balcony with the old woman behind him. She asked one thing from him; to keep Guanlin happy, yet Jihoon did the opposite. Gulping down the lump in his throat he could form the words that were honest, throughout the whole act, the words flowed because they were true 

 

 

_"Guanlin feels like home"_

 

 

 

And it was true. Guanlin was his security, his comfort, his happiness. He loved kissing and holding this boy, even if it meant nothing, it meant everything to him. As much as he told himself they never mattered, every time Guanlin glanced his way, his heart picked up and suddenly everything mattered 

 

 

His mother looked him deep in the eyes, and asked one last final question that changed everything for Jihoon. She simply asked if Jihoon loved Guanlin, and it took every ounce of courage in Jihoon’s body to muster to voice the raw transparent truth. No hesitation, no thoughts, the words flowed like liquid as he exhaled sharply 

 

 

_"Yes, I love him"_

 

 

 

And he wished he could've told Guanlin 

 

 

 

It was the day of Jihoon’s showcase, tapping his feet anxiously against the floor as he awaited for Guanlin. But Guanlin was nowhere in sight. The boy should’ve been by Jihoon’s side, practicing for his big day, but he wasn’t there. Now biting his nails, he impatiently paced back and forth backstage, fearing that the boy might not actually show up. Daehwi must have noticed Jihoon’s nerves rising through the roof, patting Jihoon gently 

 

 

_"He'll be here okay? Guanlin isn't the type to bail on you last minute, after all the days you've both practiced together.."_

 

 

Jihoon stopped to breathe, holding onto Daehwi’s hand tightly, feeling something sink in his stomach, a never ending growing pit

 

 

_He never came. Guanlin never came. There was never a showcase for Jihoon to perform with Lai Guanlin, there was no Lai Guanlin_

 

 

20 minutes before 

 

“Hurry the fuck up! Jihoon’s probably biting his nails right now, he’s probably anxious and impatient, drive faster!” Guanlin groaned, furiously patting his hand on Jinyoung’s shoulder as they were stuck in traffic, “dumbass I can’t drive faster, fuck off!” the elder hissed back, pinching Guanlin’s thigh 

 

 

Just like Jihoon, Guanlin was just as nervous, probably more. He knew just how hard they both worked, he knew how hard Jihoon worked, he’d been there through every mental breakdown the elder brought upon him, he witnessed all the tears and self hatred. He wished he could tell Jihoon he loved every aspect of him, wished he could’ve kissed Jihoon all over, but for now his only focus was to make it towards the boy he loved and cherished, the boy who was about to show his charms and talent 

 

 

Growing extremely impatient, Guanlin moved over to furiously honk at the drivers, “Guanlin move before I push you out this car” Jinyoung threatened, pulling the younger’s hand off the steering wheel. But what came after was worse, the engine stopped functioning, and Jinyoug could only sink in his seat

 

 

”Fuck fuck fuck” Guanlin muttered, fumbling with his seat belt as he took it off, opening the door, “I’m gonna take a cab, I can’t let Jihoon hyung down, he’s gonna win today and I’m gonna tell him I love him and I’ll kiss him in front of everybody, bye!” the younger waved, jogging to the center, hailing for cabs

 

 

His heart was beating, the excitement of being with Jihoon, of seeing his pretty boy in his costume gracefully dancing, proving to everyone that he had potential and talent. Guanlin pictured the whole crowd on their feet, a standing ovation for the boy he admired and loved, it’s simply what Jihoon deserved, if not much more. Jihoon deserved to be acknowledged and praised for his talent, especially after how hard he’d been on himself 

 

 

As soon as Guanlin was in the cab, the time kept ticking, slapping behind the driver’s seat, “can you please drive faster, I really need to be there by now, I should’ve been there much long ago”

 

 

All Guanlin had whispered to himself before the cab passed through the red traffic light, halting and swerving before the truck had diverged their way, crashing into them were the words he never got to say 

 

 

_“I need to tell Park Jihoon I love him”_

 

 

But Guanlin never got to say the words, he was no longer breathing 

 

 

 

+

 

 

_"Do you think this would look nice in our kitchen?" Jihoon asked Guanlin, the younger too occupied with Jimin posters, "stop drooling over posters of other men when I'm right here, look at me only!" Jihoon scoffed, walking away from Guanlin, who snapped his gaze away from the very lovely poster of Jimin with fluffy blonde hair_

_"Baby don't be like that, last time I checked, my lips kiss yours, not Park Jimin's of Bangtan, as much as I'd like to-" Guanlin teased, fuming the elder more, who speed walked away_

_Jihoon may have been a little possessive and jealous, but that's only because he loves Guanlin so much and only wants the younger to have eyes for him. Guanlin found it cute, just how quickly Jihoon would get riled up, his cute nose flaring, cheeks puffed out, Guanlin would coo at him, but they were in public_

_"We should get these engraved.." Guanlin held up two gold bracelets, watching Jihoon's eyes widen, "Guanlin, do you know how expensive those are? It's okay, we can get something else," Jihoon shook his head, trying to get the bracelets out of Guanlin's grip, who only held them higher, clutching onto them_

_"I don't care baby, it's our first house warming gift, something that'll be a memory, and anything should be priceless for that," the younger reasoned, quickly pecking Jihoon's cheek, making sure no one was around them. Jihoon's cheeks flushed, laying his head on Guanlin's shoulder_

_"What are you engraving on them?" Jihoon whispered, linking his arm around Guanlin's, not caring if they were in public. Because he loved Guanlin so much, and the love outweighed the negativity the world may cast on them. Guanlin turned down to kiss the top of Jihoon's head, holding onto him tighter, before grinning widely, with his gums and dimple out_

_"LGL and PJH Forever"_

 

 

And as Jihoon stood in front of the grave,  one year after the boy he loved perished, the dreams still taunted him. There was no Park Jihoon and Lai Guanlin forever, everything was a dream. Reality was that Lai Guanlin was dead. It was so loud in Jihoon’s head, with the words he should have said. Drowning in his regrets every single day as it hit him, Lai Guanlin was gone

 

 

The boy, the first person he fell in love was gone, everything was a dream, Guanlin never became his, Jihoon never got to tell him he loved him, Jihoon wished he held on tighter. The tears, the facade of memories could never make up for the screaming words in his head, Jihoon wanted to be with Guanlin, but Guanlin couldn’t hear him anymore. 

 

Croaking out what was left of him, Jihoon felt his knees give out, falling down as his screams and tears were loud but numb to his ears. Jihoon wanted to take back everything he said, wanted Guanlin to know he loved him so much, but reality and the universe were against them

 

 

_”I can’t take back the words I never said”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so . sorry i’m . not every story has a happy ending AAA YELL AT ME ON TWT @guanlinsjihoon AND TY FOR SUPPORTING MY SERIES N FICS MORE FLUFF AND GOOD CONTENT WILL COME!


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